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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490793">Accepting Video Call</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Islandida/pseuds/Islandida'>Islandida</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love in Lockdown [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, romance in lockdown</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:21:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Islandida/pseuds/Islandida</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole world have gone into Lockdown due to COVID-19. Sandor, who works at the Stark Group as an on site manager is working from home and trying to figure out how to help his workers. He struggles to make sense of what to do and contacts HR. A S.Stark offers to help him and they end up doing a video call. Things start out professionally but then a certain dog interferes and things turn personal...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Love in Lockdown [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>373</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>571</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Bureaucratic Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! So I started another story that I hope you guys will enjoy.</p>
<p>I have never worked in construction or in HR so I have taken a lot of creative liberties. This story is set in a modern day Westeros so they will not follow a certain countries set of events or bureaucracy.</p>
<p>I hope you guys are safe and healthy in these times! Have a lovely sunday!</p>
<p>Side note: Thank you to theblacksmith! My header is now featured :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The world was going to shit. Or at least it felt like it to Sandor. He had heard about how this virus was putting people in the hospitals and then all of a sudden the shit hit the fan.</span>
  <span>Yesterday he had been given the notice that his work site had been shut down and that everyone had to stay inside for the foreseeable future. Being the site manager of the Stark Group’s latest building project meant that he could no longer be on site, since the construction was put on hold. He still had plenty of work to do anyway, the paperwork part of his job wasn’t his favourite but it would keep him busy enough until this shit settled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His worry was for his workers, the people who were working their asses off to build Stark Group’s latest affordable living project and who were living paycheck to paycheck. Some of the guys he had been working with for years. It was the same guys he had worked with when he was an independent contractor, before he got the job on this project and he hadn’t hesitated to bring his guys in. But now they were all out of jobs and with no money coming in, how were they going to feed their families?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was his first big project as a site manager and he was trying to find out if there was any way he could make sure that his people could get some pay but as he tried to look through company guidelines on his laptop he was becoming more and more frustrated. How the hell was he supposed to make sense of all this legal crap?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually he got frustrated enough to try and find someone he could contact. The Stark Group were good employers who paid their workers fairly and the reason he had given up his work as an independent contractor was that not only did this job pay well but it came with full benefits. Sandor wasn’t stupid, he knew he needed to plan for his future. Eventually he wouldn’t be able to do physical construction work and he needed to find something with more stability. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bronn had been the one who showed him the open position for an on site manager. The company had wanted to expand their building of malls and office buildings and go into building affordable housing. Sandor had prior experience of the construction of several apartment buildings and he had paid attention to every aspect of it but he had no actual experience as a site manager. He hadn’t thought he would get the job so when he had been called in for an interview with the CFO, Robb Stark, he had been shocked. Even more so when they had offered him the job.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was fucking good at it though and he enjoyed it. Even if it was a headache right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For fuck sake!” he exclaimed as he tried to make the stupid computer do what he wanted. His large black Newfoundland dog lifted his head off the dog bed that he was laying on in the corner and buffed at him. “I know. This </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>bullshit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a frustrated growl he pulled up the contact information to HR and emailed them asking for help. He figured that they probably were swamped so he didn’t expect an immediate response. With a sigh he got up from his chair and motioned to his dog to come with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s stretch our legs, Stranger,” he suggested and with a sigh the large dog followed him out of the small second bedroom that he had turned into a home office and into the kitchen. Sandor opened the back door and stepped out onto his deck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a deep breath of forest air and started walking down towards the lake that his property bordered to. Stranger followed close beside him and when they reached the water’s edge he turned his big brown eyes towards Sandor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, buddy. No swimming today.” Stranger gave a huff in protest but Sandor shook his head. The large man sat down on the small dock that he had built and the dog sat laid down next to him and rested his large head in his lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he ran his hand through the dog’s thick coat Sandor looked out over the water and tried to relax his mind. Usually his home, the small house he had rebuilt from the foundation of the old worn down one that had been left to rot when its owner died, was the place where he found peace. It was an hour out of the city and his closest neighbour was on the other side of the lake and he liked the seclusion. Especially after a long day of dealing with people and the problems that came with them and corporations. But his mind kept coming back to his team and he knew that there was no way he was going to be able to calm down before he had his answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need another cup of coffee.” Stranger grumbled in protest when Sandor stood. “You coming or what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stranger sighed and laid his head back down on the dock, keeping his eyes on the water’s surface. Sandor shook his head at the dog and felt a smile twitch at his lip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. I guess I’ll eat all the cookies myself.” Stranger’s large head whipped around to stare at him and with a disgruntled huff the large dog got up and hurried past him into the house. “Greedy bastard!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Armed with a fresh cup of coffee and a plate of oatmeal cookies Sandor sat back down at his desk to try to find his answers. To his surprise his company inbox had a response from HR that had come in just a few minutes earlier.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Clegane, I would be happy to try and answer all your questions to the best of my ability. Feel free to send them to this email and I will get back to you as soon as I am able. Sincerely, S.Stark,” Sandor read out loud and his one good eyebrow rose at the signature. “S. Stark?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shouldn’t be surprised that there was another Stark in the company. After all he had done some research of the company before sending in his resume and he knew that it was a family company, founded by Eddard Stark and that his two oldest sons were all holding high positions in the company. Sandor had met Robb Stark himself but he had never met this S.Stark before. The way that this guy wrote it was obvious that he was well educated. It all sounded prim and proper, things that Sandor himself was incapable of being.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He figured there was no point in putting in an effort to be so instead he wrote down all of the questions that he had plainly. It ended up being a long list and he felt fucking relieved that some one was going to take over this shit so that he didn’t have to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leaned back with a sigh and took a bite of a cookie. Instantly Stranger was there, nudging his arm with his muzzle and Sandor offered him the other half of the cookie. His computer chimed with the notification that S.Stark had responded and he was surprised with their efficiency. Or perhaps he was one in the long line of employees who had asked the same question for the millionth time so they already had a response ready.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their email was written in the same polite proper tone and they had included several forms to be filled out depending on the type of compensation or special pay that they were eligible for. For every form he opened Sandor felt more and more overwhelmed and he dragged his hand through his long hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a fucking nightmare. A bureaucratic nightmare.” Stranger gave a sympathetic whine and Sandor placed his large hand on the dogs head. “How the hell are the guys supposed to figure this out if I fucking can’t?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a frustrated huff he decided that what he had to do was admit that he was in over his head and that he needed help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for your help. However I am not sure what form should be used for each case. I am not writing on my own behalf but on the behalf of the workers that were employed on Stark Group’s affordable housing project. Is there a guide that they can use to make sense of this? I appreciate your assistance. S.Clegane.” Stranger turned his head as if he was listening to his master’s narration of his email and once Sandor felt it sounded professional enough he sent it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He jumped in his seat when he got a response in a matter of seconds. Fucking hell, were they just sitting at their computer waiting for his response? Maybe it wasn’t that strange, they were probably stuck at home just like him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Clegane, unfortunately there is no existing guide and I completely understand that these forms might seem overwhelming in times like these. I admire your aspiration to help your team and I wish to do my part. I am available for an online meeting at 1 pm and I would be more than happy to walk you through the process in order for you to be able to aid your team.” Sandor’s grey eyes widened as he read the email out loud and he couldn’t help but frown at his computer screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A Stark wanted to help him fill out forms for workers so that they could get money from the Starks during these times? Was that for real? Perhaps the thing he had read about the Stark’s being good employers hadn’t been complete horse shit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sandor knew that it would take him hours to try and sort all the forms out so he had no choice but to accept the offer of help. He had an hour and a half and he figured it was enough time to grab some lunch and look over the information that he had on his guys. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time 1 pm was closing in he made his way back to his desk, logged into the company server and just sat and stared at the screen. He jumped when his computer started ringing and with horror he saw the notification.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>S.Stark is requesting a video call.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A video call? Sandor felt the colour drain from his face and his hand moved up to touch the scarred raised skin on the right side of his face. Those fucking scars that his brother had inflicted on him at a young age had made his whole life a living hell. It had taken years before he was able to feel slightly comfortable around new people. He was a lot better than he had been but he still stared at the notification with horror. He had thought it would just be like an online chat or maybe a phone call, he wasn’t prepared to have anyone see him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stranger, feeling his master’s distress came up and placed his heavy head in his lap. It made Sandor look down and thread his hand the fur on his back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right. What does it matter if another Stark boy sees my ugly mug?” He was thankful that he had had the good sense of putting on a white button up shirt this morning instead of lounging around in one of his old worn t-shirts. He knew that a professional appearance was important for the Stark Group. He had been reminded of that when he had been offered the job.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a sigh he answered the call. The first thing that he noticed once the call connected was a vibrant shade of red and the air was sucked out of him as he took in the person on his screen and realised his mistake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not a Stark boy.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman on his screen was probably one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen in his life. Her hair, that was hanging freely around her face, was a fiery red and it had his heart beating hard in his chest and it wasn’t in fear of that fire. Her skin was pale, making the blue of her eyes even more striking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her face was set in a polite smile and he knew the moment she saw his scars. Her smile faltered and her eyes widened and he was about to disconnect the call when she collected herself. It was the soft look in her eyes that made him hesitate, she hadn’t looked disgusted only surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Clegane.” If he was honest with himself it was her voice, a soft cadence, as soft as he imagined satin would feel between his fingers, that made him retract his hand and shift back in his chair. “I hope you are doing well in these extraordinary times.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew how to make conversation, he knew that he was supposed to return her sentiment but how could he open his mouth and follow that voice with his rough raspy one? He settled for a curt nod and thankfully she didn’t press him for more. Instead she looked down at something on her desk and it gave him a clear view of the room behind her. He saw a light blue couch, those really soft looking kinds, and above it hung a painting of a forest scenery. The colours of it were vibrant, capturing the forest in fall and he was grateful for a chance to look at something other than her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it’s alright with you I would like to go through the first few forms that I think that all of your team should fill out.” He knew he would seem rude if he kept looking to the side the whole time so he carefully turned his head, making sure that his good side faced most of the camera and nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She started talking about a certain form and he tried to pay attention. He really did but he was struggling with paying attention. He was distracted by the way her auburn eyebrows knitted when she focused on a certain part and how she worried her bottom lip with her teeth at times. Her eyes darted up from the paper in front of her and he felt caught when her eyes narrowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Clegane? Are you still there?” He quickly ducked his head and in an effort to seem like he had been paying attention he grabbed the black framed reading glasses lying next to his computer and put them on. He instantly regretted it because he knew they made him seem older than he was. Not that it mattered how old she thought him, not at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here,” he rasped out and the corners of her soft pink lips pulled up in a small smile as he spoke for the first time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh good, the screen froze so I was afraid that I had lost you.” He felt his cheeks flush and nervously scratched the bearded scruff on his jaw. He didn’t respond to her comment, instead he turned his attention to the form he had opened on his screen and waited for her to continue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pay attention for fuck sake.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She guided him through the rest of the process and she gave clear and precise instructions that made the whole thing seem more straightforward than he had first anticipated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think you will be able to explain this to your team if they need help? If not they are of course welcome to contact us but HR is pretty swamped at the moment so it might take some time before we can get back to them.” Her blue eyes looked straight at his face and he couldn’t help but frown. If they were so swamped then why had she just spent an hour explaining it to him? Didn’t she have better things to do?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should let you get back to it then,” he rasped out and then he remembered himself. “Eh… thank you for your time and for your help…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr Clegane, I just wanted to say that I admire what you’re doing. We have had a lot of people contact us about these forms for themselves but you are the first one who contacted us asking for help to explain them to your team.” His eyes widened when he took in the slight pink to her cheeks and the smile that accompanied it. “It says a lot about your character. My father will be very happy to know that there are selfless people like you at his company.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her father? So she was Eddard Stark’s daughter. He wasn’t surprised by that, he knew it was a family business after all. But he was surprised that she was working in HR. She could probably have any position in the company she wanted yet she had chosen that one? The one where she had to deal with people’s problems? He would never have the patience for that shit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to make you aware of the special fund the Stark Group has instigated today. It’s a fund to help the employees who suffer from, or have family members suffering from, illnesses and are dependent on their paycheck for medicine or treatment. Our employees have to file a separate application if they qualify as recipients. Do you know if there's anyone on your team that could qualify?” Sandor’s mind instantly went to Thoros, one of the guys who he had been working with for the last three years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh… one of my guys has a kid that has diabetes. I know insulin can be pretty expensive,” he said and she nodded her head making her red hair sway with the movement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will send you the application in a separate email and if you could have him email it to me by tomorrow I can process his application first thing.” Somehow he wasn’t surprised that she was in charge of distributing the funds. Hell, the whole thing had probably been her idea in the first place. He didn’t know her, had only spent an hour listening to her instructions but he had always been a good judge of character. And he knew that she was a good person, a kind person.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. Will do.” He wanted to kick himself for his inability to hold a regular conversation but it was something with those blue eyes that made him feel like he barely could string two words together. He was unnerved by how she looked into his face without hesitation, how could she bear to look at him for such long periods of time? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have another meeting in a few minutes but if you need instructions on some of the other forms I am available for a meeting tomorrow at four.” He was pretty sure he got it at this point. It seemed like the forms followed the same basic guidelines and he was about to tell her so when she gave him another one of those soft smiles and his heart skipped a beat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Four then.” When she nodded he quickly ended the call and put his elbows on his thighs and buried his face in his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A warm huff of air against his ear made him turn his head slightly and Stranger gave him a deep look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t judge me.” The loud snort the dog gave in response told Sandor that he sure as hell did and he couldn’t even blame him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I am an utter fool.</span>
  </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>
  <span>His knee was jumping beneath his desk as the clock turned four and he had half of an abandoned turkey sandwich next to his computer that he had been too nervous to finish. He felt like a fucking idiot as he waited for her to call. He shouldn’t occupy her time, she needed to help other people yet here he was, eagerly waiting to see her name appear on his screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had even put on one of his newest button ups, a grey one that he felt looked professional, and he had even run a comb through his beard. Like that would do any good with the ruin that was his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her call came ten minutes past four and he answered it instantly, cursing his own eagerness. Then her beautiful face filled up his screen and she gave him an apologetic smile. Yet again she looked at him and there was nothing but kindness in her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am sorry that I kept you waiting, Mr Clegane. I was on a conference call that ran late.” He wanted to tell her that he didn’t mind the wait but all he could manage was a slight shrug. “So have you had a chance to look at what form you need me to walk you through?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded and opened up the form that his team had seemed most confused by when he sent them out yesterday and was about to ask her to walk him through it when Stranger pushed his elbow up with his nose. He tried to push the dog away but he kept pushing and pushing on his arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck off!” Sandor growled out and his eyes widened in horror at the gasp that came from his screen. He whipped his head around to look at her and found her mouth open in shock and he frantically tried to explain. “No! I didn’t mean… I was talking to the dog.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Said dog then had the fucking nerve to push his 130 pound body between Sandor and the desk and rested his huge head on the desk. Stranger stared up at the woman on the screen and so did Sandor. Her face turned from shock into happy surprise and her face split into the widest, most vibrant smile Sandor had ever seen in his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Aren’t you a pretty one”, she cooed and Stranger happily wagged his whole body at her praise. Had Sandor had a tail he probably would have done the same. Hell, he’d probably get as excited if she had looked at him in the same way as she was looking at his dog. “You just wanted some attention, didn’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stranger chose that exact moment to turn his head and snatched the remainder of Sandor’s dinner off the plate and hurried out of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! That’s my dinner! You thief!” Sandor shouted after him angrily but his anger snuffed out when laughter filled the room. It wasn’t a soft girly titter that he imagined pretty women like her made. It was a full on loud belly laugh and when he turned his eyes back to the screen she had her head thrown back and he could feel the scarred side of his lips twitch in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I really needed that,” she said breathlessly as her laughter calmed. Her cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes were drawn to the white blouse with ruffles along the buttons before he caught himself. “Things have been so crazy, as I am sure you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I am glad that the little bugger got a laugh out of you then,” he offered and her smile widened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t seem so little to me but definitely a scoundrel. The best ones always are,” she offered and now he couldn’t help but smile. He loved that stupid dog and he was one of the things he felt more comfortable talking about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s a Newfoundland, 130 pounds last I checked, and I would like to say that he usually is more well behaved but that would be lying and I don’t lie.” Another laugh, albeit a smaller one escaped her then and he felt a surge of warmth in his chest over the fact that he had been the cause of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s his name?” she asked softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stranger.” Her eyebrows rose at that but when he only shrugged in response she shook her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You named your dog after the God of Death? That’s dark.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? What name would you give a dog if you had one?” he asked and somehow his question made her smile again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do have a dog. Here girl!” she called out and then she bent down to pick the dog up. Based on the look of its owner he was expecting one of those tiny dogs that Stranger would have been able to swallow in one bite, not that he would ever hurt a soul. But the dog that she lifted up into her lap was medium sized. It had upturned ears, a fluffy white and grey fur and big brown eyes. He wagered that it was a spitz of some kind but he couldn’t pinpoint the exact breed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is Lady,” she offered with a smile and Sandor couldn’t help but smile back. Of course she would give a prim and proper name to her dog.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s beautiful.” His voice came out a bit breathless and he quickly cleared his throat. The female dog made a yip sound as if to agree with him and it must have alerted Stranger because the big oaf came lugging back into the office. “And here comes the thief now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stranger pushed his way to the desk again and turned his head to the side as he watched the other dog on the screen. Lady turned her head in response and it made her owner smile softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you Stranger. This is Lady and I’m Sansa.” It wasn’t until that moment that he realised that he hadn’t known her first name. It suited her, soft and feminine. Sandor found himself repeating it in his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sansa.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His thoughts were cut off by Stranger giving a gruff that made Lady’s ears flicker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He says nice to meet you too,” Sandor translated and Sansa smiled into the fur of her dog. He thought there might have been a slight blush to her cheeks as she looked at him but it was gone before he could be sure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you guys handling the lockdown? I imagine Stranger needs a lot of exercise.” Sandor reached out a hand to ruffle Strangers fur and the dog hummed happily in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We do alright. I live an hour outside of town and I have a yard that he can run around in,” Sandor told her and she sighed. He was normally not a chatty person, he didn’t instigate conversation but he found himself wanting to with her. “What about you guys?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I would love to have a yard. Lady and I live in an apartment in the city. It’s close to work but I miss being able to just take walks in the woods on a whim.” Her voice sounded almost wistful and it made her voice sound even more melodic. “We have a small park a few blocks down so we walk there and back. What we really miss is going running, it’s my therapy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure you can find some sort of exercise to do in your apartment,” he suggested and she gave him a small smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess. I am just really bad at sticking to boring repetitive stuff like they do in the gym.” He chuckled at the disgruntled look on her face and the sound must have surprised her because her face twisted into a sudden smile. “What? It is boring!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not if you do it right,” he countered but she shook her head at him with a teasing glint in her blue eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just going to have to find another type of therapy. I like baking, but since I live alone I’ll just end up eating it all myself. Little exercise and a lot of cookies isn’t a great combo.” She made him chuckle again and he leaned back into his chair. She was smiling at him and he was surprised that he found her so easy to talk to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you’ve got time to find something. Unless work is too crazy?” he asked with a sudden flash of concern for her. She sighed again and it sounded heavy and tired. He realised that he didn’t like the way her smile fell. He didn’t like it at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s pretty crazy right now but it’s going to slow down once we’ve processed all the forms. I just wish we could help everyone more. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to have to try and put a monetary worth on people's needs.” She was too kind of a soul. He had felt that kindness in her the first time he had talked to her and it was that kindness that made her heart ache for everyone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are doing what you can. You are only one person.” His words seemed to give her some comfort if he read her soft smile and heavy sigh right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I was supposed to help you with the forms! I got completely off track and it’s already five o’clock. I am so sorry,” she said with a sigh and he couldn’t help but scowl at his screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be. I only wanted to check this one thing but it can wait,” he offered but she shook her head vehemently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! I can postpone my dinner for one and Netflix binge for a few more minutes.” He chuckled at that and she gave him a mock glare. “Are you mocking my quarantine choices?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Depends on what dinner you had planned,” he retorted with a teasing tilt in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For your information I made lasagna last night so I am heating leftovers and having a glass of wine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Red wine?” he asked and she smiled as she nodded. “Then I approve.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Glad we got that confirmed,” she teased and then her frown pinched in concentration as she turned her attention slightly to the side. “What form did you want to ask about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ended up feeling disappointed after having gone through the few things he had wanted to double check. Disappointed because he didn’t want to end the call. It was a strange feeling for someone who had always preferred to be alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have been a great help.” He was glad that he remembered his courtesies when it made her face split into a bright smile. She sure smiled a lot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s nice of you to say. And thanks for talking to me. It gets a little lonely even if I have Lady for company,” she said and his eyes widened at her words. She had enjoyed talking with him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anytime.” The words left his mouth before he had a chance to process them and her wide eyed stare made him duck his head to avoid it. Why did he have to go and say that? Now he made it awkward, didn’t he?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really appreciate that. Have a good night Sandor.” Her voice was soft and kind but he didn’t dare look up. He was afraid that if he did look at her he would blurt out how much he had enjoyed talking to her. The way she said his name in her soft melodic voice made his cheeks flush.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eh… You too Sansa.” Before she had a chance to say something else he disconnected the call and leaned back into his chair with a heavy sigh. Stranger turned his head and gave him a disapproving glare that Sandor met with one of his own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To take his mind off the red haired woman who he had just had the most easy going conversation of his adult life with, he got into the kitchen and started preparing his dinner. It was just a simple beef stir fry and he was about to grab himself a beer when his eyes caught on the bottle of red wine in his wine rack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell.” As he sat down with his food and wine in front of the tv with his huge dog giving him puppy eyes his mind wandered to Sansa again. He wondered what she was going to watch on Netflix tonight. If she was doing some more work or if she was sitting with her glass of wine right now, like he was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In his mind he could hear the echoes of her loud laughter and his house had never seemed quieter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why do I suddenly feel so lonely?</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dealing with loneliness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sansa is trying to deal with being alone and lonely during self-isolating. Her mind keeps wandering to a large, hairy male. And his master. Will she get a chance to talk to either again?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!</p><p>Here we have another chapter, this time from Sansa's perspective. I hope you enjoy it!</p><p>Also - I made a picset of both of their homes because I wanted a visualization of them, since the story takes place there.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>


  
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa could feel the beginning of a headache coming as she read and approved another pay request. There had been hundreds for her and her coworkers to process in the last few days. She knew that things were going to slow down now that almost everyone had applied. She honestly was more concerned for the slow times. She would go crazy if she didn’t do something to keep herself busy during this lockdown. She had always been a sociable person and being alone all day everyday did not appeal to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, she had her family that she talked to almost everyday. But they had their own lives and talking to them just made her miss them more. Robb had his wife, Jeyne, and their two little boys. She smiled as she remembered how Teddy, the little baby, had smiled a gummy smile at her when they Facetimed yesterday. His older brother, Benji, had stolen the phone and had told her all about his day in that roundabout overly detailed way that five year olds seemed to master perfectly. Robb was a great dad and Benji had been excited to show her the fort they had built out of the couch cushions. It had made her smile as she remembered how her brother used to build forts for her when they were little. She missed them terribly and after they had hung up she had held Lady and sniveled into her fur. Thankfully her girl was too well mannered and sweet to complain and had let her hold her for as long as she needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew that she could call and talk to any of her family members whenever she needed but it still wasn’t the same as being with them. Neither of them were alone like her, they all had someone with them. All of her friends had their significant others. Robb had his wife and two kids, Arya had her boyfriend Gendry. Bran had his two flatmates, Jojen and Meera. Her parents had each other and Rickon, whom their mother was trying to homeschool. Her father had looked unusually disheveled this morning when they had quickly chatted over Facetime. He had stated that teachers should be paid their weight in gold for choosing to deal with a classroom full of teenagers on a daily basis. So she figured homeschooling wasn’t going that smoothly. Her 16 year old brother was a handful in usual times so she didn’t envy her parents for having to deal with a restless teen, but she still missed him. Her parents had suggested that she stayed with them during the lockdown but she was a 26 year old woman and she knew having to stay with her parents for the unforeseeable future would not be ideal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To cope with her loneliness Sansa had thrown herself into her work but now that it was dwindling down she was struggling. The lockdown had barely been going on for a week. How was she supposed to deal with it if it stayed like this for a long time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we need a treat,” Sansa said to Lady who’s ears perked up at the word and followed Sansa into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa loved her apartment and she was grateful that her parents had helped her with the downpayment three years ago. The grey kitchen had a white marble countertop and gold details. And despite it not being that big it was enough for just her. She had her round white kitchen table, a small serving cart that she used as her cocktail bar and hanging shelf that Robb had built for her where she grew her herbs. She dreamed of having a house someday with a large garden where she could grow herbs and vegetables. Just like the garden she had helped tend with her grandmother during her summer visits. With a sudden pang of sadness, that usually came from the thought of her late grandmother, she opened the pantry and grabbed the cookie jar and Lady’s treat jar before she went back into the living room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The living room was the most spacious room in the apartment, doubling as her at home office. Her desk was wall mounted, connected to other sections of shelves that were covered in books, plants and knicknacks. Her tv was on the other side of the room facing her yellow Winston sofa that she had found at a second hand furniture store.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was tempted to just throw herself on it and eat the whole content of the cookie jar but she knew that wouldn’t help with her mood. Instead she took one chocolate chip cookie and sat down by her computer again. As she opened the form of one employee that worked construction on the affordable housing project her mind wandered to the man who managed the site. It had been two days since their last conversation and she found herself thinking about him more than she cared to admit in the time since.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t supposed to do video meetings with the managers, she wasn’t supposed to instruct them like she had him but when she had gotten his second email about wanting to help his team, how could she not help?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had seemed so uncomfortable during their first meeting and her heart had ached for him when she noticed how much effort he put in keeping his scars away from the camera. She had been taken aback by them for a second before she had been able to collect herself and she hoped she had done a good job with acting professionally. She was glad that she had instructed him because every form that his team sent in was filled in correctly and made her job so much easier. It was one of the reasons her workload was already lessening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t planned on offering to do another meeting but when the words had left her mouth she had been relieved when he had said yes. For a man that had barely spoken a word to her unless he had to she still found him easy to talk to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their second meeting had turned into something completely unexpected and it had lifted her spirits so much that she hadn’t been able to stop smiling for the rest of her evening. Maybe it was just because she felt lonely or because he had seemed like a good listener but she felt the urge to talk to him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe it was the way his grey eyes looked at her like what she was saying mattered. Or the way his deep set voice was soothing. Or maybe I am going insane?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She told herself that she was just working as she went through his team's forms searching for his. Her boss had tasked her with handling Sandor’s team’s applications but there was always a chance that someone else had gotten his since he was an onsite manager. After double checking she couldn’t find one and before she could overthink it she opened up their email exchange. Lady buffed as if she knew what Sansa was doing and Sansa reached out a hand to pet the dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just being kind. To a coworker, no big deal.” Lady tilted her head and Sansa knew that she was trying to convince herself more than the dog. Maybe it wasn’t so much trying to help him but her finding a reason to contact him again, but she wasn’t going to admit that.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mr Clegane. I couldn’t help but notice that you have yet to send in your own application for partial pay during this lockdown. Was there something further that you needed assistance with? If that is the case, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Sincerely, Sansa Stark.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Satisfied with her email being calm and collected she rewarded herself with another cookie and she tried to make it last, hoping that if she ate it slowly time would pass quicker. Her computer chimed sooner than she had expected and she eagerly opened the response from him. It was short and concise, she hadn’t expected anything else from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not sending in an application. I’ll be fine. Give the money to someone who needs it. - S.Clegane.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa leaned back in her chair and stared at the screen. He had taken her by surprise yet again. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was about him that intrigued her but there was just something there. Like a feeling that there was so much more to him than there seemed at first glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps it was the kindness and selflessness that he expressed with his care for his team and how he had seemed uncomfortable with her praising him for it. Or how his rough exterior contrasted with his shy behaviour while talking to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyebrows shot up when her computer notified her that she had another email from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In case you haven’t found a new exercise routine yet, this is the one I use. I’ve marked the exercises that I recommend you start with in blue. - S.Clegane.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>With wide eyes she opened the enclosed pamphlet that contained a variety of exercises described in detail and with illustrated pictures. Several of them were highlighted in blue and she felt touched that he had put so much thought into it for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I have no excuses left to be lazy, huh girl?” Sansa offered the dog who yipped before hurrying over to her dog bed in the corner of the living room. “Guess I’m on my own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To get into a peppy mood Sansa put on her running playlist and changed into her brightly coloured yoga pants with the matching top. She read through the blue marked exercises thoroughly and found that most of them were common crossfit exercises as well as lunges, situps and pushups.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed the steps and soon found herself winded and sweaty. She had only done half of the exercises he suggested that she started with and she was exhausted. With laboured breath she splayed out on the floor and Lady hurried over to her with bounding steps. The dog put her nose against Sansa’s cheek and Sansa didn’t even have the energy to wave her away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time her breathing had slowed and she was able to get up she moved over to her laptop and without thinking twice she started writing a new email.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have now tried a few of the exercises you suggested and I stand by my previous statements. They are no fun. - Sansa</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breath caught in her throat when his reply was instant. She felt a small smile pull at her lips as she saw that he had adapted the more familiar tone than she had written to him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I stand by mine. You’re doing it wrong. - Sandor</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed out a surprised laugh and found herself blushing as she typed out her reply. She was being far too bold, she knew that. But she also knew that if she wasn’t then she would never get a chance to talk to him again. She couldn’t picture him initiating another video call, he seemed far too shy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had told her “anytime”, she reasoned with herself. Maybe he had only said it to be polite. But a part of Sansa doubted that a man of so few words would waste them on saying things he didn’t mean. Besides, he had shown her that he had been thinking about her too, why else would he have sent that pamphlet? She decided to not doubt herself and pressed send.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Doubtful. But you are more than welcome to prove it to me. Tomorrow at 2? - Sansa</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alright - Sandor</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Sansa’s heart was beating out of her chest as she waited by her laptop. She was surprisingly excited to have a chance to talk to Sandor again. And the idea of having someone to work out with made her happy. Sansa might be becoming a bit deprived of company at this point because she usually wasn’t that excited about exercise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had put on her favourite colourful yoga pants again and a bright blue top that she thought complimented it. She did not have the confidence to wear only her matching sports bra while video chatting with her coworker. That didn’t feel like the right term for him but at the same time it felt too soon to call him her friend. It did feel like that was where they were heading though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her computer chiming with an incoming video call. She had angled her laptop so that it showed all of her if she stepped back on the livingroom floor so when she answered she rolled her chair back a little to enable him to see her properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi!” She beamed as his face filled her screen. Sandor seemed a bit taken back by her eagerness, if the frown on his brow was any indication and she decided to take it down a notch. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” The grouffnes of his response would have put her off, if it had come from anyone else but somehow she knew he meant nothing by it. It was just who he was. “Eh… how are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his neck as he waited for her response and she couldn’t help but smile at his attempt at conversation. He was actually making an effort and she appreciated it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright. Honestly I don’t think I am made for self-isolation. I mean, I already told you I live alone and I am getting a bit restless and lonely.” As the words left her mouth her eyes widened and she felt her cheeks turn warm. She had not intended to share that much. He had to think she was insane for confiding so much to a practical stranger, but there was just something about the way his grey eyes watched her that made her feel like she could talk to him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to overshare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. Don’t apologise.” His words came out rough and sharp and he seemed to realise it because he ducked his head. “I’m usually fine with being alone but it’s getting a little weird to be this alone, you know?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was surprised by his admittance but grateful for it as she hurried to nod. He was telling her this to show her that he hadn’t meant to be sharp. That he could share some of his thoughts with her too and it warmed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just me and Stranger and I’m beginning to think that Stranger is getting tired of me.” Sandor said with a twitch at the scarred side of his mouth and she shook her head with a soft laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is Stranger doing?” As if he felt called by her speaking her name the large black head lifted from where it must have been resting on Sandor’s lap and his tongue lolled out in a happy expression when she smiled at him. “Hi sweetheart! How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help the way her voice raised in pitch as she spoke to the dog. It made her cheeks flush pink to think that she was speaking in a cooing voice to this huge dog, right in front of his very rough looking owner. Her eyes darted up to Sandor’s and she found him looking at her with a soft relaxed look and it made her smile at him as her embarrassment ebbed. Stranger barked low in the back of his throat, as if he was trying to pull her attention back from his master. The sound made Lady rush over from where she had been relaxing on the couch. She barked happily at Stranger who pushed closer to the screen in an effort to see the other dog. With a laugh Sansa picked Lady up and when the two dogs saw each other and whined excitedly Sansa could have sworn that Sandor smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, he’s sick of me.” Sandor joked and the light tone in his voice made Sansa smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think he just suffers from puppy love,” she said and as if agreeing with her Stranger huffed, making Lady whine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, can’t blame him I guess.” Sansa knew that the compliment was meant for her dog but she felt her cheeks redden as if he had been talking about her. Sandor suddenly cleared his throat and it cut off the tension she felt. “So, should we get started?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded and took a step back from the computer. She thought she saw his eyes widen as he took her in but he quickly collected himself and stepped back himself. Now it was her eyes that widened as she took him in. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and black shorts, his shirt hugged firmly around his wide chest and muscular arms. She could see the black ink of a tattoo on his upper arm but couldn’t make out what it was of. But what struck her the most was how large he was. She had noticed that he was broad shouldered in their previous talks but he was just so tall. He was standing next to a big brown leather couch, with a doorway just behind him and his head seemed to reach above it. Was he so tall that he had to duck through doorways? He had to be huge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asked and she blushed as she realised that she had been staring for far too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re… just taller than I expected,” she said and wanted to hide her face in her hands as the words left her mouth. Who the hell said things like that? Sansa Stark apparently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been taller than most people since I was thirteen,” he said with a shrug. He didn’t say anything else after that, instead he just looked at her and she saw his lip twitch in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she countered and he ducked his head for a second before looking at her through the dark strands of his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those pants are just so fucking bright. Looks like the feathers on one of those birds from the Summer Isles.” His words were spoken in a low, rough tone and she wasn’t sure if he meant it in a positive or negative way. Her frown seemed to catch him off guard and he shook his head as if to clear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like colour,” she said as if she needed to defend her choice of workout wear to him. Not that she did, it didn’t matter what he thought of her clothes. Did it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean... They’re nice.” He scratched at the short beard on his chin and he seemed suddenly unsure. As if he didn’t know what to say or do now and she took pity on him then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Her words came with a soft smile and his face relaxed a fraction before he nodded and threw his arms out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Let’s start by stretching.” He led her through a series of stretches and they didn’t speak, other than him giving her instructions but she found that she didn’t mind the silence. It felt comfortable, comforting to just be able to turn her head and see him there on her screen doing the same exercises as her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time they were into the actual workout she realised that he was in way better shape than her. She was sweating and winded while he seemed almost unaffected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know… I don’t… think… people… are… made... to do... this…” She grunted out between pushups and his response came as a huffed laugh. The sound made her whip her head towards the screen and she saw him looking at her with an amused glint in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glared at him as he did his next pushups with only his toes and the tips of his fingers touching the floor. The muscles on his arms flexed but other than that there was no sign of it taking any effort on his part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, now you’re only showing off,” she hissed at him. Sandor threw her a teasing grin that twisted into surprise when Stranger came bounding up to him, leaning his full weight into his side, causing him to fall over. He released a surprised grunt as he hit the floor and Sansa ended up splayed on her back, shaking with laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See, Stranger thought so too,” she gasped out once her laughter had subsided enough for her to be able to talk. She could hear a deep rumble coming from him and her smile widened as she realised he was laughing too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking traitor,” he said while still laughing and she turned her head to look at him. He was in his back on the floor now, like her, and Stranger had taken it as an opportunity to lay down on top of him. The man’s large hands were in the thick fur, rubbing affectionately and Sansa couldn’t help but wonder if he allowed a lot of people to see him like this. Unguarded and open. For some reason she doubted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at Lady, why can’t you be well behaved like her?” he asked his dog and Lady wagged her tail from where she was sitting on the couch when the man spoke her name in his raspy voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you listen to him, Stranger. You are perfect the way you are. It was very gallant of you to defend my honour.” Stranger barked happily and Sandor laughed again before pushing the dog off him so that he was able to sit up. He turned completely towards the camera and Sansa’s heart skipped when he pushed his hair away from his face, as if he was comfortable enough to not bother to cover his scars from her view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna work out some more?” he asked and she shook her head, feeling exhausted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m done for today,” she admitted and he nodded. She doubted that he was even the slightest bit tired. He seemed fit enough to be able to work out for at least another hour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>”Were the exercises fun this time around?” She shook her head in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I still hate them,” she said and she knew that the smile on her face was a bit contradictory and the way his face pulled into a frown only made her smile widen. She couldn’t just come right out and tell him that the only part that had made it fun was his participation. That would be too much, even for her. “Next time I chose the kind of workout we do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyebrow shot up in surprise and he seemed taken back by her words. She had surprised even herself by her boldness but she didn’t regret it. She enjoyed having company, his company, and she really did want a chance to spend time with him again. Even if it was to exercise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” It was just one word. Spoken with the exhale of air but it still made her face split into a huge grin. “Tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow,” she agreed and he grunted as he moved to stand. For a second he just looked at her, his grey eyes almost prodding in their intensity and then without another word he disconnected the call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I do now, Lady?” she asked her dog, who tilted her head at her before heading into the kitchen. “You’re no help at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t sure how long she remained lying on the floor. It was due partially to exhaustion and partially because she was trying to wrap her head around how happy she felt that she was going to be able to talk to him again so soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This lockdown is messing with my head. Or maybe it’s Sandor and the way he seems to be unable to fight the urge to smile around me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was just nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who seemed interested in what she was saying and who listened. Someone who seemed to enjoy her company as much as she enjoyed his. In these times she felt like she needed it more than ever. What was wrong with that?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Working things out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>For some reason Sansa wants to see Sandor again, he hasn't a clue why but he isn't about to tell her no.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello all you wonderful people!</p><p>I have been struggling with a bad case of writer's block for a bit but I finally got out of my funk, thanks to this amazing discord server filled with fellow SanSan shippers! Join us:</p><p>https://discord.gg/taVPgjR</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Why was he doing this to himself?</p><p>Sandor was practically holding his breath as he waited for her to accept his call. He wasn’t sure what had prompted him to send her a pamphlet of his workout routine in the first place.</p><p>Okay, maybe it had something to do with vibrant red hair, the bluest eyes he had ever seen and the fact that she would look him right in his face and smile at him. Not like she was pretending his scars weren't there either. It just felt like it didn’t matter that they were. The last part was what had had him jumping at her suggestion of them working out together and now they were going to do it again.</p><p>“Hey,” her soft melodic voice rang out in his silent house and he eagerly leaned forward towards the screen, just so that he could get closer to her.</p><p>“Hey,” he answered back and he was proud of himself for being able to sound casual when his heart was jumping in his chest so hard that he worried that he was going to have a heart attack.</p><p>“So, I sent a link to your email. You think you could open the video on your tv?” His eyes narrowed at her as his computer chimed with the incoming email but he obeyed and cast the video to his tv. He moved his laptop so that he could see both it and the tv and frowned.</p><p>“What in Seven hells is this?” he asked in disbelief but she ignored his question in favour of stepping back, giving him a full view of her on her in her living room with the yellowest sofa he had ever seen in the background. His attention was stolen by those blasted pants. If they couldn’t even count as pants. It was a new pair this time, rainbow striped and fucking bright. They were terrible, not because of their brightness but because of how they clung to her long legs like a second skin. She had to know how distracting she looked in those, right?</p><p>
  <em> Yeah, as if she wore them to steal your attention you perv. </em>
</p><p>“We did agree that I could choose our workout this time,” she said with a smile and that smile was what drew his thoughts back to the present and with a grumble he conceded. “Let’s stretch first.”</p><p>This time she led him in their stretches and he found himself turning his head towards the computer screen so often that he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was doing. She was just so vibrant and bright, stealing his attention with her movements.</p><p>“I see you put on some colour today.” She nodded downward and his eyes darted down to his red t-shirt and rubbed his neck. He had not put on one of the two coloured t-shirts he owned because he had been thinking of her while getting dressed. Nope, not at all. </p><p>“Not like I can compete with you. Those are some fucking bright pants,” he commented and there was a amused gleam in her eyes as she looked at him.</p><p>“These? They’re nothing.” There was a challenge in her voice that made his eyebrow pull upward and for a split second he allowed himself to think that she had chosen to wear those because of him. It might have been just to mess with him, but the mere thought of her doing anything because of him had his mouth going dry.</p><p>She didn’t elaborate and he couldn’t decide if he was relieved or disappointed. Instead of focusing too much on that he placed his attention on finishing stretching. Once Sansa deemed that they were stretched out enough she grinned at him before picking up her own tv remote.</p><p>“Now this should be fun.” The smile on her face was almost devilish and he bit his tongue to keep in a snarky comment about her picking this in hopes of making a fool of him. When she played the video on her end he did the same. His tv filled with brightly coloured leotards and ridiculously poofy hair and he knew he was going to regret doing this.</p><p>He struggled to keep up with a younger Jane Fonda as she led them in several exercises that stretched his muscles and limbs in ways he was sure they had never meant to be stretched. His eyes kept turning to Sansa who was following along way better than him, even if there was a slight sheen of sweet to her skin.</p><p>“Okay, there’s no fucking way anyone can be that fucking limber,” he argued when Fonda practicly folded herself in half, touching her toes with her ass in the air. The sound of Sansa’s giggle made him turn his head and she smiled a toothy grin at him before she proceeded to fold herself in half too.</p><p>His eyes grew wide as they caught on the curve of her back and ass and he was fucking grateful that she was facing the camera or else he probably would have passed out. Instead he just stared as she turned her head to the side and looked at him. He felt his cheeks flush with warmth as she smiled at him and he hurried to bend forward in hopes of hiding his embarrassment but it only worsened. Because he wasn’t fucking limber like her and only managed to bend far enough to reach the top of his calves. Things turned worse as Fonda now started swinging and twisting her upper body from side to side and he noticed that Sansa did the same.</p><p>
  <em> Shit. Shit. Shit. </em>
</p><p>Thankfully Fonda moved on to a new exercise soon enough and now they were down on their knees and hands and when he saw how easily Sansa raised her bent leg up and out, making a straight line from her hip to her knee he knew he was out of his league. He felt like a bloody idiot as he tried to do the same and hissed when it stung along his inner thigh all the way up to his groin. He caught the movement of Sansa’s head as she turned to look at him and he braced for the mockery that was sure to come.</p><p>“You’re doing great. Come on, just eight more!” she said encouragingly and she was so genuine that it caught him off guard. He didn’t show it though, instead he did eight more and cursed when they changed to the other leg.</p><p>“Fuck, I’m gonna need a beer after this,” he grunted and that drew a bubbly laugh from her.</p><p>“You’ll have earned it!” she called out to him and his lip twitched in an attempt to smile. And attempt he quickly foiled by turning his attention back to the tv.</p><p>This time he kind of hoped that Stranger would come and ruin the workout but the damn dog was happily snoring in the corner, completely oblivious to Sandor’s plight. Finally, after almost an hour of suffering Sansa finally sat down on the floor and paused the video. With a relieved grunt Sandor did the same and turned to face his computer.</p><p>He expected her to maybe at best suggest that they would work out again together, he wanted her to. Even if it meant another hour of Fonda tourture. Because he enjoyed her company, the way she would look at him and smile as if his scars weren’t there. At worst she would just tell him goodbye and that would be that. He would probably never get to talk to her again and for some reason that made him frown.</p><p>“So… what’s your exciting plans for tonight?” Her lips twitched as she looked at him and he felt his whole face twisted in confusion. She pulled her knees up to her chest and giggled. She fucking giggled at him and he really didn’t mind it. “You know, since it’s Saturday and all. I have a pint of Ben &amp; Jerry’s Pucker Upper that I plan on devouring tonight.”</p><p>“Pucker what?” he asked with a confused frown and she grinned.</p><p>“It’s a raspberry sorbet with a lemon swirl. To die for,” she explained and he couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. He had never gotten that excited over ice cream. “You strike me as someone who’d pick the Bourbon Pecan Pie flavour.”</p><p>“Bourbon?” he couldn’t hide the interest in his voice even if he had tried.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s Bourbon ice cream, pecans, some cookie crumbs and a whiskey caramel. It’s my sister’s favourite.” He looked at her wide eyed and he was itching to find out if ice cream qualified as a necessary item so that he could validate going to the grocery store a few days early. Not that he had to answer to anyone but he wasn’t the type of person to run to the store to just get ice cream.</p><p>“Are you shitting me? Is that really a flavour?” Okay, so maybe he was. If that ice cream was half as good as it sounded.</p><p>“I swear!” she said grinning and he couldn’t help but smile back. “Ben &amp; Jerry’s have the most amazing flavours.”</p><p>“Well consider me educated.” Her soft chuckle warmed his insides and he suddenly realised that he hadn’t answered her original question. “Eh… So my plans for tonight aren't that different from any other Saturday I guess. Dinner and beer.” </p><p>That sounded pathetic to him but she looked at him with a soft smile. Like was really interested in his answer.</p><p>“What’s for dinner then?” she asked and he couldn’t help but wonder why she cared. Why she seemed to want to keep talking to him. She tilted her head to the side to look at him and it didn’t matter why. He wanted to keep talking to her too.</p><p>“Gulyás.” Her eyebrow rose in confusion and he huffed. “What? You don’t like it?”</p><p>“I’ve never even heard of it,” she answered and now his eyebrow rose. “What is it?”</p><p>“An hungarian beef stew with vegetables and a lot of paprika. It’s really good.” She rested her chin on her knees and she looked at him for a minute, not speaking and he was surprised by his sudden need to fill the silence. He usually prefered silence over meaningless small talk but he wanted her to talk to him. “It’s pretty simple to make. I could send you the recipe.”</p><p>“Or you could teach me.” He felt his mouth fall open in surprise and watched her eyes widen before she scrambled to her feet as if she was suddenly uncomfortable with looking at him. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I get it that you have better things to do and that you don’t want to spend your evening…” </p><p>“Sansa.” Her blue eyes snapped to his face at his voice rasping out her name and he held her eyes to show her that he was serious. “I’ll teach you. Do you have beef? And paprika?”</p><p>She looked at him with surprise before a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. When she nodded he allowed himself to smile back. How could she think that he had anything better to do? Lockdown or not, he wasn’t about to say no to her.</p><p>“I’ll call back in an hour?” he suggested and he was surprised with how casually he sounded.</p><p>“Perfect,” she answered back and with another one of her smiles she disconnected the call. Instantly he was on his feet and before he could think twice he started putting away the shit that he had just left out in the last few days.</p><p>His frantic scrambling woke Stranger who followed his master into the kitchen, probably in hopes of getting a treat, but ending up disappointed when Sandor started loading the dishwasher and scrubbing down the counter, ignoring his begging eyes completely.</p><p>“Shit, why am I nervous?” Sandor asked Stranger who huffed annoyed. “I mean, it’s just… we’re cooking together. Does that mean we are having dinner too?”</p><p>Stranger pushed at his legs, the dog’s nose cold against his skin and Sandor absentmindedly reached down to scratch him behind his ear. Stranger grunted and licked at his leg, making Sandor jump.</p><p>“I need to shower.” With hurried steps he left the kitchen and hurried over to the bathroom. Stranger watched him leave and scoffed before he trudded after his master.</p><hr/><p>Sandor struggled with knowing where to place his laptop so that she could see what they were doing. Was the counter the best spot or the kitchen island? He settled for the kitchen island since he would be doing most of the work on it and he took a long pull of his beer to calm his nerves. He ended up choking on it when the computer chimed and hurried to answer the call while he still was coughing.</p><p>“Sandor? Are you okay?” Sansa’s blue eyes were filled with concern and he nodded as he coughed again.</p><p>“Wrong way,” he answered in a wheeze and she nodded in understanding. Once he had settled and the embarrassment wasn’t as crippling he looked at her and took her in. Her hair was in a bun on her head and she was wearing a grey t-shirt. In the background he could make out a white wall with a white round kitchen table.</p><p>“So, wanna get started?” She smiled eagerly as he started instructing her on cutting the meat into pieces and then browning it in the large pot. They then moved on to cutting the vegetables and he noticed that she was paying very close attention to what he was doing.</p><p>“You know, this is a little like those challenges in Masterchef,” she said after a while and he tilted his side in confusion. “The cooking show? Where the contestant has to keep up with a professional chef and try to make the same dish as them?”</p><p>“Well, I am far from a professional chef so I think you’ll do fine. Not like I can taste yours anyway.” He offered and she grinned at him.</p><p>“Why goulash?” she asked and he took a deep breath. She seemed to sense his hesitation because she cleared her throat to catch his attention and gave him a soft smile. That soft smile made him want to talk, want to share for the first time in his life. She wasn’t prodding or being demanding. She was just showing interest.</p><p>“When I was discharged from the army I moved into this apartment complex. It was a run down building but it was cheap. My first day moving in this old man from across the hall came over to introduce himself.” Sandor couldn’t help but smile at the memory and he took a careful sip of his beer before continuing. “After hearing my name he was convinced that I was hungarian, like him, and said that he was going to make me some gulyás. When I said I didn’t know what that was he was adamant that every Hungarian needed to know how to make it.”</p><p>“Are you Hungarian?” Sansa asked and he shrugged, making her chuckle.</p><p>“Not that I know of. But I don’t really know anything about my mom’s family so it’s a possibility.” He could barely remember his mother so there was no way of knowing. His father had never wanted to talk about her, refusing to answer Sandor’s questions even when he was a kid and now he was gone, so Sandor was never going to get his answers. Shaking himself, he reminded himself to talk to the woman who was looking at him intently. “The next day, there was a knock on the door and there he was. This tiny grey haired old man with a bag full of groceries, letting me know that he was there to teach me how to cook this dish. He just pushed past me and started telling me what to do.”</p><p>“There was no way that you could have said no.” Sansa smiled at him and he shook his head. He had tried to, had told the old man to fuck off and leave him alone but he hadn’t as much as flinched at his harsh words. He had only given him a stern look and ignored his cursing and snarls. He couldn’t make sense of it then nor now, but he had chosen to be a part of his life.</p><p>“It turned into a thing. He would teach me different dishes and in return I would do the odd jobs in his apartment. He was eighty and a widower so he had no one to help him with it. I started fixing things and when they couldn’t be fixed anymore I built new ones. It turned out I enjoyed that.”</p><p>“So that’s how you got into construction?” she asked and he nodded. He wasn’t used to this sort of interest, where the other person kept asking questions and actually wanted to hear his answers.</p><p>“Yeah. I was an independent contractor for roughly seven years before I got this job.” Sandor felt his chest tighten as he heard Fivér's voice in his head, clear as day despite it having been years since the last time. Calling him <em> fiam </em>and telling him he was chopping his vegetables wrong, and it made the corner of his mouth pull upward.</p><p>“And when did you move to your house? Your kitchen is gorgeous by the way.” He was grateful for her changing the subject and he turned to look around his kitchen. He had tried to keep or restore as much as possible of the old house but the kitchen had been really run down after years of disuse. He had kept the wooden beams in the ceiling and the old stone chimney above the stove. The walls were stone and the cabinets a greyish dark wood. His favourite part was the large kitchen island that he had built with his own hands, which he was leaning against now. He ducked his head at her compliment and cleared his throat.</p><p>“Thanks. I found this place when I was out on a camping trip with my buddy Bronn about four years ago. We just walked out of the woods, heading for the lake to fish and walked into the backyard. It was run down so I was able to get a good price on it. Worked day and night, in between jobs, to get it restored. Took me a little over a year.” He would have to be lying to himself if the way her eyes widened and her face lit up didn’t make him feel good. He hadn’t told her in hopes of impressing her but it seemed like he had anyway and it felt damn good. “Okay, so you can put in some other vegetables if you like. I usually use carrots and some people use celery, whatever you have.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but watch her as she meticulously cut the carrots and once she had added them to the pot and put on the lid he sat down at the kitchen island and turned the computer screen towards him.</p><p>“Now you just let it simmer for like an hour and a half and then it’s done.” She smiled brightly at him before moving away from the screen. He heard the sound of a bottle being uncorked and in the next instance the screen shifted. She must have moved the computer to her table and sat down because now there were grey kitchen cabinets in the background before she reappeared with a glass of red wine in her hand.</p><p>“Well, how did I do?” she asked with an amused tilt in her voice.</p><p>“Can’t taste it, can I?” he said and she shook her head at him. “But I’d say you’ve earned an immunity pin.”</p><p>“So you have seen it!” she exclaimed with a laugh and he shrugged.</p><p>“Once or twice.” He offered before reaching for his beer only to find it empty. With a huff he moved over to his fridge only to turn his head towards his wine rack. He grabbed a bottle and a glass and sat down by the computer again. Sansa’s eyes widened as she watched him uncork the bottle and pour himself a glass. “What?”</p><p>With a happy grin she reached out a hand behind the screen and then pulled it back into view and held up the bottle so that he could read the label.</p><p>“Sunspear’s Red,” he read and looked down to his own bottle that had the same label.</p><p>“Seems like we have the same taste in wine,” she said with a soft smile that he couldn’t help but return.</p><p>“I pictured you preferring Arbor Gold over red wine,” he said and he wanted to kick himself with how that sounded. Like he had been picturing her, thinking about her. He had but she didn’t need to know that.</p><p>“I love Arbor Gold. Dad brought the whole family down to the Martell’s vineyard in Dorne and we went to a tasting and everything, this was the only red wine I liked. Still is,” she said and he couldn’t help but picture her in the warm Dornish sun. That seemed to him where she belonged, outside in the sunlight. “Have you ever been abroad?”</p><p>“I was stationed in Essos for a few years. Never got to go to any wine tastings though.” He hadn’t meant it as a jab at her but when he saw the way she flinched he realised that she could have taken it that way. “I only like red wine, so don’t know if I would have liked a tasting that much.”</p><p>He hoped that she would understand that he hadn’t meant anything by it but she remained quiet for a long time, looking down at the glass in his hand and he felt like a fucking jerk.</p><p>“They ate a lot of goat in Essos, probably because they were fucking everywhere.” His soft spoken words made her lift her eyes to his and there was a flash of interest in her eyes that made him feel relieved. “I was stationed there for four years and I swear I never want to see a fucking goat again.”</p><p>That made her chuckle and he couldn’t help the smile that the sound pulled from his lips.</p><p>“Were you in the army long?” she asked and normally he didn’t like talking about his service. He had hated the army. Sure, he had been good at it. Good at fighting and following orders. He had hated the hierarchy of it though, how some people could decide the fate of others with a swift word. How the leaders could sit on their asses and send people to die without a second thought.</p><p>He almost told her as much, wanted to really. As he looked into her bright blue eyes he felt like she would listen, perhaps not understand his meaning, but understand what he was feeling. That scared him, he realised. Because if he told her then that brightness in her eyes would dim and she would be sad for him. He didn’t want that.</p><p>“Almost 10 years. Got out at 28, when I had finished my service.” There was that look on her face again, as if she was really interested in what he had to say. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out why, but that look kept him talking. “I wanted to get away from home so I enlisted on my 18th birthday. My dad wasn’t the nicest guy.”</p><p>Neither was his brother, but he didn’t want to go down that road. To stop himself he took a big gulp of wine and she did the same. </p><p>“What about you? Have you always worked in HR?” he asked in hopes of moving the conversation along. He did not feel like burdening her with the hell that had been his childhood.</p><p>“More or less. I got my degree in communications and right out of college I worked for my mother. She has a charity and I learned a lot. One of the things I learned was that some people think that having money allows you to treat people however you want.” She took another sip of wine and shook her head. “I mean, people who were patrons of my mother’s charity could attend an event and treat me terribly when I acted as the event coordinator. When they later were told my name they suddenly changed their tune.”</p><p>Her story made him bristle because he knew what that was like, probably more than her. He had been treated like he had less worth his whole life and it had only gotten worse after he got his scars. He didn’t like the fact that people could be cruel or mean to someone as kind and sweet as her. But that was how fucked up the world was.</p><p>“So I chose to start working at my dad’s firm instead. There I can work with real genuine people and help people anyway I can. I get to meet the people I help and it might just be simple day to day tasks. But I like knowing that I’ve made even the slightest difference.” There was a slight pink tint to her cheeks and he couldn’t be sure if it was due to the wine or something else. “It might sound simple or even stupid. But I always thought that I had to live up to the Stark name somehow but I really hated the pressure that came with that. I might not be someone special or have this important career now but I am happy with what I do and I think that’s important.”</p><p>“Nothing stupid about it,” he rasped out and she gave him a soft smile. Now it was his cheeks that turned warm and he cleared his throat nervously. “Think you deserve to be. Happy I mean. With whatever you want… I....”</p><p>He was making a mess of things, he knew that and he wanted to curse at himself. He felt his face pull into a scowl and downed his glass just to make himself shut up before he told her that he thought she was special.</p><p>
  <em> Fucking idiot, don’t freak her out. </em>
</p><p>“Thank you Sandor.” Her voice was soft as silk and he had never heard anyone say his name like that. Gentle and sweet. It rendered him speechless and he didn’t know what to say or do to snap out of it.</p><p>He was saved by the deep bark of Stranger and Sandor noticed that the dog was standing by the kitchen door. Having something to do with himself helped him get out of his embarrassed state and he turned back towards the computer to find Sansa watching him with a soft look on her face.</p><p>“I have to let Stranger out in the backyard for a minute,” he said and her eyes brightened. He wanted to ask her if she would wait only so that he could talk to her a little longer. He just didn’t know how to say that without sounding pathetic or desperate.</p><p>“Alright.” The simple word felt like the best word in the world at that moment. It was said so casually but it made Sandor’s heart jump in his chest and before he risked showing his amazement on his face he hurried over to open the backdoor for his dog.</p><p>Stranger took off running but Sandor lingered in the doorway, where he still had a clear view of his computer screen. Sansa was looking down at something, perhaps her phone, as she sipped on her wine and a long lock of red hair fell in front of her face. Sandor’s finger twitched as if fighting the desire to push it back behind her ear had she been there with him. He imagined that her hair was impossibly soft.</p><p>Why was she doing this? Why was someone like her spending her time with him? He doubted that there wasn’t someone in her life who could keep her company, she was far too nice of a person to not have friends. Why would she choose to spend her evening with a stranger?</p><p>“What is your tattoo of?” Sandor flinched as her voice broke the silence. He hadn’t even realised that she had been looking back at him and his eyes darted down to the floor. “If you don’t mind me asking.”</p><p>Just then Stranger came trodding back across the deck and he gave Sandor a happy huff in greeting as he passed him in the doorway. He followed the dog and sat down at the chair and turned his torso so that she could get a full view of his upper arm. He pulled up the fabric of his t-shirt and she leaned closer to the screen.</p><p>“It’s Cerberus. The three headed hellhound that guards the gate of the underworld in greek mythology,” he said and her eyes widened slightly as she seemed to take in the details of the tattoo. “It was my call sign in the army.”</p><p>He could see the wheels turning in her head and he wanted to ask what she was thinking. Why that frown had appeared between her auburn eyebrows and what he could do to make it disappear again. He wanted her to smile. He wanted to make her laugh, he realised.</p><p>“Do you have any tattoos?” The question left his lips in an exhale and her eyes snapped away from the tattoo to his face. Her pale cheeks turned a slight pink and the change in colour had him biting his bottom lip to keep from prodding. For a second her eyes followed the motion but then she cleared her throat and nodded, pulling his attention back to their conversation.</p><p>“I got a tattoo when I turned eighteen. I thought I was being rebellious but I ended up getting it somewhere my parents wouldn’t be able to see it,” she said and his eyebrow rose when she touched her side, just beneath her breast. “It’s just a little simple one.”</p><p>“Can…” He caught himself and wished he could have kicked himself with how that sounded. “Can I ask what it is?”</p><p>“Oh, sure. It’s a cherry blossom branch,” she said as her cheeks turned even pinker. “Not very original but I thought it was pretty. It hurt like hell though.”</p><p>He couldn’t keep in the deep chuckle and when it made her face light up he was glad that he hadn’t. What did it matter that he was pretty sure he had no right talking to this wonderful woman? She had chosen to spend her time with him, perhaps out of pure boredom, but he would take every minute she wanted to waste on him. Fucking happily if it meant that she would smile at him like she was doing in that moment.</p><p>“Yeah, I bet it did,” he said teasingly and her smile widened. “What did you parents say when they found out?”</p><p>“Oh, they still don’t know.” That pulled another chuckle from him and she gave him a mock glare. “Don’t you dare tell anyone!”</p><p>He gave her the most serious look that he could muster while fighting the smile that was pulling up one side of his mouth.</p><p>“Your secret is safe with me. I would never betray your confidence.” Not that he could ever imagine himself having a conversation with the eldest Stark, and definitely not about his daughter or whatever permanent marks she had put on her body. He might talk to her brother at times with work related things, but he would be a fucking idiot to bring up his sister’s tattoo. And then he would end up a dead fucking idiot.</p><p>“I believe you,” she said with a soft smile and despite the lightness of her tone her eyes were serious as she gauged his reaction. Somehow he got a feeling that she was about as quick to trust as he was. Sure, she was kind and caring to the people around her, including strangers. He had seen that kindness first hand. But trust? That was a completely separate entity, something to be earned in his book.</p><p>“Do you think the food is done soon? It smells amazing and my stomach is practically growling.” The change in topic made him even more sure of the weight behind her previous statement but he followed her change of topic with a nod.</p><p>“Let’s check.” </p><p>It took another thirty minutes, which meant a glass of wine each for them and some casual conversation before they actually ate. Sandor had to admit that he felt a little self conscious eating in front of her, even if she was just there on a computer screen. He struggled with his mouth at times due to the scarring that pulled the corner of his mouth downwards and he would never get over making a mess in front of her. So instead of eating he watched her intently, during the guise of anticipating her reaction to the dish.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe, if she liked it she would want to cook with him again. If he was lucky.</p><p>“Oh, this is so good,” Sansa groaned and the sound made him jump in his chair and in hopes of hiding his reaction from her prodding eyes he put a forkful of food into his mouth. He was relieved when he managed to eat it without spilling. “Almost good enough to compete with my favourite.”</p><p>“What’s your favourite?” he asked and the question put a fond smile on her face. He was amazed at how easily she smiled and how genuine every single one of them seemed to him.</p><p>“A pasta and salmon dish my grandmother taught me with lots of cream and fresh herbs.” He offered a small smile when she pulled back to the present. “I could show you how to make it sometime. If you want.”</p><p>“Yes.” His answer came out far too eager and he cleared his throat as he tried to recover from the flash of embarrassment that washed over him. “I… uh… that would be great.”</p><p>
  <span>There was another soft smile on her face before she returned her attention to the food. They continued to eat in silence and Sandor found that he had no desire nor need to break it in favour of idle chit chat. It felt comfortable, companionable, at least to him. He didn’t have that much to compare this situation to but even just sharing a meal in silence with her somehow felt special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that the moment would end though, all good things did, and he felt it growing nearer as they finished their food. Sansa must have felt it too because once she pushed her plate away from her she looked up and smiled at him again. A warm, almost shy smile that made his stomach do somersaults.</span>
</p><p>“I am really enjoying spending time with you Sandor.” He watched her with wide eyes as she gave him a hesitant smile. “All of my family have their own lives and I’m just… on my own. I think I’m not doing so great with self isolation so this, you, really helps me.”</p><p>“I’m on my own too so....” Sandor said but was cut off by an affronted huff from the corner of the room. “Except for Stranger. But he isn’t much for conversation. So feel free to call or whatever, whenever.”</p><p>“So I can talk to you tomorrow then?” she asked with a soft smile that he couldn’t help but return. “Maybe we can work out again?”</p><p>“Yeah.” His chest felt light and as if he was about to float out of his chair when her smile widened even further</p><p>“Great. Good night Sandor.” It wasn’t until after the call had ended and his screen had turned black that his response left his mouth in a breathless whisper.</p><p>“Good night Sansa…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also - sorry to any Hungarians if I got the spelling wrong. I tried my best❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Coping mechanism</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sansa has a rough day. Can Sandor help her feel better?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!</p><p>Wow, it's been a while. I am back at work and it has been stealing my writing time.<br/>Anyway, here we have another chapter. Basically fluff. But that's my jam so, hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>For the first time in years Sansa allowed herself to stay in bed after her alarm rang. She had tried to keep her routine even during the lockdown and get up and get dressed so that she could hold on to a sense of normalcy even in these times. But this morning she actually turned it off and snuggled back into her pillow.</p><p>She had had a lovely dream. A dream filled with strong muscular arms and a deep set baritone voice that sent shivers down her spine just thinking about it. She blushed as she tried to imagine what Sandor would have thought if he knew what she had been dreaming about. A part of her felt like he would probably think that she was either crazy or making it up. Based on his surprise to her admittance that she truly enjoyed talking to him he didn’t seem to think that people could actually think highly of him. Which was a shame since he was kind, honest and easy to talk to.</p><p>
  <em> And those hands. His wine glass looked tiny. </em>
</p><p>Her eyes reluctantly opened as the image of Sandor’s hands were stolen from her with the loud ringing of her phone. She turned her head to look at it on her nightstand and all warm feelings drained out of her as she read the name on the screen. With a sigh she sat up and answered the call.</p><p>“Good morning Harry.” She tried to make her voice sound polite and alert as she greeted her boss. His response was an annoyed sigh and instantly she steeled herself.</p><p>“Sansa. Why have I been given a report that states that you have granted stipends to every single applicant of the new fund?” At the beginning Harry Harding had seemed like a good boss. He had been charismatic, kind, if a bit of a flirt. He had gone above and beyond to make her feel welcome when she had joined his team. His behaviour had changed drastically after she had declined his request for a date. He had turned aloof and even cold. After having worked with him for a while she had learned that he used his charisma to get other people to do his work for him, and that he had no qualms about taking all the credit.</p><p>“You did give me clearance to process and approve of the applications I found qualified the special conditions we agreed upon. So far everyone has.” Sansa kept her voice civil even though her free hand fisted into her sheets. “This monday I sent you a full report on every single case and my motivation behind the amount we have granted for every case is included in that report.”</p><p>“Yeah, well I am having an online meeting with the CEO in an hour, I do not have the time to read through all of that. What am I supposed to tell him when he asks me about why we have given away almost all of the funds already?” Sansa could hear the irritation in his voice and she could picture the way his blue eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared with irritation.</p><p>
  <em> He was so insufferable at times. </em>
</p><p>“You can tell Mr Stark that every single dragon of the distributed funds have gone to help his employees with medical expenses and in receiving them, they and their family have not only stayed healthy but it has kept them from going into personal bankruptcy. I am sure he will understand that there are a lot of people in need and that the demand would be greatest now when there is so much uncertainty.” Sansa was proud of herself for keeping her voice professional and calm. But then there was another one of his annoyed sighs on the other end of the line and she almost lost her cool.</p><p>“Yeah, well not everyone has the option to bat their eyelashes at daddy dearest and not have to answer to anyone.” Sansa’s mouth opened in outrage but just as her anger was about to escape her, Harry hung up to the phone.</p><p>“Fuck you too!” she screeched angrily before throwing her phone down onto her bed. For a long while she sat there, fuming, wishing she could do some sort of voodoo on Harry Hardyng, anything to make that rude man realise what an ass he was.</p><p>Sansa groaned when her phone started ringing again but when she looked down on it she saw that it was an incoming video call from her sister. Sansa dragged her hand across her face before she picked up her phone and answered the call.</p><p>“What are you doing up already?” Sansa asked and Arya’s face twisted into a scowl as her grey eyes burned through the screen.</p><p>“What kind of fucking greeting is that?” Arya snapped and Sansa gave her an apologetic smile.</p><p>“Sorry, that was rude of me. How are you Arya?” Her sister rolled her eyes and Sansa heard the deep set voice of Gendry, Arya’s boyfriend, in the background and Arya’s face lost it’s scowl as she turned her head to smile at him. “How’s Gendry?”</p><p>“I’m good. We are good.” Arya’s grey eyes softened in a way Sansa had only ever seen since Gendry came into her life. Sansa was happy for her sister, but she also envied that. She wanted to have someone who looked at her like Arya looked at Gendry, she wanted someone she could feel so strongly about.</p><p>Sansa had had one serious relationship and she had thought that it was everything that a relationship should be but then when things got serious Joffrey showed his ugly side and Sansa luckily got out of that before it became worse. Now having seen Gendry and Arya together, and Robb and Jeyne, she knew that there was so much more to love and relationships. And she wasn’t going to settle for less, not again.</p><p>“How are you holding up?” Arya asked and Sansa hid her irritation at her boss behind a small smile. Unfortunately Arya was an expert at seeing through Sansa’s masks and instantly frowned. “Sansa…”</p><p>“It’s fine. I’m fine. Just Harry, my boss, called and was his usual selfish self.” Arya’s eyes darkened and her face twisted into a scowl.</p><p>“I don’t get why you don’t report Harry the asshat’s behaviour.” Sansa shook her head and the motion drew a sigh from Arya. “You know if you told dad he would believe you.”</p><p>“Yeah, but would everyone else? I mean, I can’t go running to dad because then people will think I am only there because of him. I don’t want that.” Sansa knew that Arya understood that. Arya was the one adult sibling who had chosen to not work for the family company. She was making her own way in the world and Sansa was very proud of her for that. “Did you just call to check in or was there something on your mind?”</p><p>“Actually, I tried calling you last night but you didn’t answer. I was going to ask if you wanted to watch a movie on Netflix with me but now I just wanted to see if everything’s okay. What were you doing last night?” Sansa felt the flush heat her cheeks and Arya’s eyes widened. Shit, her sister was far too observant.</p><p>“Oh I was having dinner with a friend, over video call.” Arya’s grey eyes narrowed in on her and Sansa pushed her hand through her hair to try and look casual.</p><p>“That’s nice. Was it with Margaery? Or maybe Jeyne?” Sansa knew there was no point in lying to Arya, and she realised she didn’t want to. She had nothing to hide. She had just been having dinner with a new friend. If only telling her sister didn’t mean having to go through the third degree of questioning.</p><p>“Actually, it was with a new friend. You don’t know him.” Arya’s eyes widened and Sansa cursed her pale skin as her cheeks grew even hotter due to her sister’s intrigued look.</p><p>“When did you meet? How come you haven’t told me about him before?” Arya looked like she was bursting at the seams and Sansa gave her a stern look.</p><p>“We met just a little over a week ago. We have just been talking a few times.” Her sister’s excited face twisted into a look of concern and Sansa sighed. “Arya, don’t. I know what I am doing.”</p><p>“Do you? You’ve been talking to this guy online? Have you not seen the documentaries? People can pretend to be whoever they want online. You can’t trust them.” Sansa knew that her sister was speaking out of concern for her but hearing her talking about Sandor like that didn’t sit right with Sansa. He had given her no reason not to trust her, he had been open and shared his past. He deserved the benefit of the doubt. “Fuck Sansa. He might not be a serial killer but he could have a wife and kids. You’d never know.”</p><p>“I would know! And I do know that he doesn’t!” Sansa protested and the deadpanned look of disbelief Arya gave her made Sansa sit up straighter in bed and glare at her sister. “I do! I work in HR, remember? If I wanted to check I could, but I trust him!”</p><p>Arya stared at her for a long time and then her eyes widened and Sansa didn’t know what to make of that reaction.</p><p>“He works at the company? So you’ve met him in real life?”</p><p>“He does but we haven’t met in real life. He’s an onsite manager and we didn’t interact before the lockdown.” As Arya’s face split into a grin Sansa realised her mistake. “Arya, please don’t make this weird.”</p><p>“You mean like ask Robb about all the onsite managers? I would never do that.” Sansa glared at her but Arya didn’t seem in the least discouraged. If anything she looked even more determined. “I just want you to be safe. I mean, he might seem nice enough since he works at the company but there are some assholes there too.”</p><p>“I am aware. I’m not a kid Arya. Hell, I’m your older sister.” She bristled when Arya rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth. “I mean it, back off.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Arya’s words came with a slight smirk and then her face turned away from the screen and her face lip up into a big grin. “Gotta go, I apparently sucked Gendry’s dick so good last night that I’ve earned breakfast in bed.”</p><p>“Arya!” Gendry exclaimed in outrage just as Sansa disconnected the call and threw the phone away as if to get as far away from the conversation as possible.</p><p>She knew there was no way she was going to enjoy staying in bed after that so she decided that it was time to get up and take Lady out for a quick walk before breakfast. Sansa was just about to walk out the bedroom when her phone chimed with a message and she couldn’t help herself from picking it up off the bed to check it.</p><p>“Next time you better make a list of all the valuable information instead of this 20 pages report. You made me look like an idiot when I had to look everything up.” Sansa growled in frustration as she read her boss' text message and she wanted to scream. “Harry you ass!”</p><p>She was so riled up by everything that had disrupted her lazy morning that she didn’t bother with changing out of her pyjamas. Sansa just tied her hair up in a messy bun at the top of her head and grabbed Lady’s leash before heading outside. Thankfully she didn’t have to walk far before Lady could relieve herself and the streets were fairly empty, enabling her to keep her distance from people. Once Lady seemed satisfied they headed back and Sansa was dismayed to find that the fresh air had done nothing to dissipate her sour mood. </p><p>“Screw this day,” Sansa told Lady and went into the kitchen to grab muffins and a cup of coffee before heading back into the bedroom. With a sigh she flopped down onto the bed and turned on her laptop. “We are taking a day off. I can catch up on work on monday.”</p><p>By the time the afternoon rolled around Sansa was buried deep beneath her covers and the muffins had been exchanged for a big bowl of ice cream, topped by a generous helping of Kahlua. Sansa wasn’t sure how many bowls she had had but the amount of Kahlua and the lack of proper food had given her a slight buzz that helped ease her irritation enough for her to enjoy the movie she was watching. </p><p>Halfway through the movie it was interrupted by loud chiming coming from her computer and with a frown Sansa narrowed her eyes at the screen.</p><p>“I swear if that’s Harry I’m gonna…” the words died in her throat as she saw that it was Sandor calling her, on video chat. “Fuck…”</p><p>Sansa had all but forgotten that they had agreed to work out today, her anger at her boss had taken over her day, and she felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. She was a mess, still in her pyjamas for crying out loud. How was she supposed to see him now?</p><p>She was tempted to ignore the call but a part of her worried that if she didn’t answer he would take it as her having changed her mind. What if he didn’t call back again? What if he didn’t take her call if she tried to call back?</p><p>Before she had tried to rationalise her thought the tipsy part of her brain reached her hand out and accepted the call. Sandor’s face filled the screen and she couldn’t keep the big grin off her face when she saw him. For some reason he made her smile and made the irritation she had held onto all day fizzle slightly.</p><p>“Hey!” she said and she must have been louder then she intended because he flinched and his eyes widened as he took her in.</p><p>“Hey…” he said hesitantly and she hurried to sit up a bit in hopes of not looking as disheveled as she imagined she did. She was caught off guard when he released a surprised chuckle. “Even your pjs are colourful as fuck.”</p><p>With a displeased grunt Sansa pulled her covers over her yellow striped satin pyjamas and glared at him. His eyes narrowed in confusion and she huffed.</p><p>“I think you need more colour in your life if that’s how you are going to react to all of my clothes.” He chuckled at her biting remark and she was surprised that he didn’t react more strongly.</p><p>“Maybe I do,” he agreed and maybe it was the slight buzz of the alcohol in her veins but she could have sworn that there was a softness in his eyes that matched the surprisingly soft tone of his voice. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, fine. Just taking a day off, I’ve earned a long weekend.” Sansa tried to sound casual as she grabbed her ice cream bowl again and leaned back against her pillows. He gave her a long look, as if he was staring into her mind and she forced a small smile to her face. That seemed to rub him the wrong way because his brown twisted into a frown.</p><p>“Yeah, I call bullshit.” Sansa’s eyes widened in surprise but realised that his eyes were filled with concern and she couldn’t keep in a heavy sigh. “So no working out today then?”</p><p>She was grateful that he didn’t push her to talk even if he was frowning at her through the screen. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to explain it. She didn’t want him to think that she didn’t enjoy her job. She did, some days she just didn’t enjoy having Harry as a boss. And she didn’t want to complain, it wasn’t nice to burden him with her issues.</p><p>“I am not really in the right mindset for working out,” she answered after a moment of silence and he nodded solemnly. There was no protest or attempt to convince her, and she felt a strange twinge of worry when he leaned back from the screen. As if he was creating a distance between them.</p><p>“Well, I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you’re doing,” he said in a low rumble and Sansa instantly sat up straighter.</p><p>“I wasn’t really doing anything. I mean… I was having Kahlua and ice cream. Just watching a movie,” she said softly and his one good eyebrow raised slightly. “You could join me, unless you have something better to do.”</p><p>“Kahlua and ice cream?” he asked in disbelief and Sansa picked up her bowl and his face pulled into a frown and she realised it was 90% Kahlua in her bowl at this point.</p><p>“It gives me a nice buzz. I needed to relax my mind.” </p><p>“I sure as hell am not drinking that shit,” Sandor said and in the next moment he stood. He grabbed his laptop and as he headed towards the kitchen Sansa got a better look at his house. It was a lot of wood and as the living room came into view Sansa gasped. There against one wall stood a shiny black upright piano.</p><p>“Sandor! You have a piano!” Sandor turned the screen so that he could look at her and his eyes were wide. </p><p>“I do?!” he exclaimed in the same tone as her and she wanted to scowl at him but instead a giggle escaped from her lips. </p><p>“Do you play?” she asked but instead of answering her he headed into the kitchen and put the laptop down on the counter. “Sandor?”</p><p>“Hold on, I am just getting a real drink. If we are gonna do this I am going to need some hard liquor.” Sansa couldn’t keep her face from splitting into a big smile as she saw that he had pulled out a pint of Ben &amp; Jerry’s Urban Bourbon and placed it on the counter. She didn’t comment on it but it made her surprisingly happy to know that he had taken her suggestion and actually gone ahead and bought the ice cream.</p><p>The next thing to follow were a bowl and then a bottle of scotch. She watched him carry it out of the kitchen before he came back to grab the laptop and a glass. She smiled when he sat down on his couch, placing her on the armrest and Stranger happily jumped up to rest his head in his owner’s lap.</p><p>“Hi Stranger!” she exclaimed and those big brown eyes held hers as his tail started wagging on the couch. “How are you doing buddy?”</p><p>The dog gruffed low in response and Sandor shook his head as the large dog tried to push his mouth towards the ice cream the man had served in the bowl. Sansa laughed as Sandor poured a splash of whiskey on his ice cream before pouring himself a glass. </p><p>“That’s how you eat it right?” he asked and she nodded. “So, now what? We eat ice cream and get drunk?”</p><p>“Pretty much,” she answered and he chuckled as she grinned at him. “I think I am already a bit tipsy and you are huge so it’s not like you’ll get as drunk as me.”</p><p>With a twitch of the scarred side of his lips he grabbed his glass and downed the whole thing. Sansa’s throat burned just imagining how that scotch must have stung going down. He poured himself a second glass and downed that too before scooping up a big spoon of ice cream.</p><p>“There, all caught up.” He said it so casually but it still made Sansa throw her head back and laugh and it felt so good to laugh like that. Sansa didn’t care what Arya said, she knew Sandor was a good guy. She just knew it.</p><p>“Okay, so… Do you want to watch a movie or something?” she asked and he shrugged.</p><p>“We could… Or just talk… whatever you want…” Sansa’s heart clenched in her chest at the slight vulnerability she could make out in the way his voice lowered. </p><p>“Let’s talk then. How about we play a drinking game?” His eyes narrowed in suspicion and she gave him a reassuring smile. “Like two truths and a lie? If I figure out the lie you drink, if not I drink.”</p><p>“I don’t lie,” he protested and she tilted her head at him.</p><p>“It’s just a game, Sandor,” she said softly and there was a hint of something warm and soft in his eyes when she spoke his name. Did he enjoy hearing her say it as much as she enjoyed saying it? That thought made her face burn so hotly that she was grateful when he nodded after a long silence.</p><p> “Alright. Do you wanna go first?”</p><p>Sansa decided that she needed something other than Kahlua then and as she got out of bed she saw Sandor biting his lip as if he was trying to keep in a smile and she glared at him as she with her eyes dared him to make another comment about her pyjamas. She placed her laptop on her coffee table and hurried into the kitchen to grab a bottle and a glass. As she sat down on her couch she looked at him intently and tried to keep her face from giving any hints.</p><p>“Okay. So… My favourite colour is yellow, my favourite food is Chicken Parmesan and… I hate pickles vehemently.” She held Sandor’s eyes as he studied her and she was amazed with the intensity of his grey eyes. It almost felt like he was able to read her mind or at least trying really hard to.</p><p>“The lie is the Chicken Parmesan, it’s not your favourite food.” His eyebrow rose in challenge and she remained stone faced before reaching down to take the shot of tequila. He chuckled when she scrunched her face at the taste before leaning back against the couch cushions. “So what is your favourite food?”</p><p>“It’s Mongolian Barbeque. Okay, now you go.” Sandor looked at her for a long time and she again found herself drawn in by the seriousness of his grey eyes. In the light coming from the large windows they looked the colour of steel.</p><p>“Hm… I love fishing. I could eat my weight in chicken and… I’m allergic to peanuts.” As he spoke Sansa tried to study him intently but there was no hint or sign of what could be the lie. For someone who claimed to never lie he certainly was hard to read. So instead of trying to read him she opted to use the knowledge she had of him.</p><p>“The lie is the allergy.” As soon as the words left her mouth he put the glass to his lips and Sansa grinned as he drank. “See? This is fun.”</p><p>“More like a roundabout way to get drunk, but sure… fun…” Sandor said and normally such a comment would make Sansa find someone rude but there was this glint in his grey eyes that told her that he didn’t mean anything by his teasing. Perhaps it was suspicious that she could read him so well in some situations and in others not at all.</p><p>Sansa shook her head to force out the doubt that Arya had planted there. Perhaps Sandor had certain sides to himself that he didn’t show others, just like everyone else. That didn’t make him suspicious.</p><p>“What drinking game would you want to play then?” she asked but he just shrugged.</p><p>“Don’t matter. I just want to…” he cut himself off and ducked his head. The shiness of that gesture made Sansa’s heart jump and she took a sip to hide her smile. It was sweet to see this huge man so shy around her. She liked to imagine that he had been about to say that he just wanted to talk to her some more. The very real possibility of that being the case made her feel brave. That and the alcohol she had consumed.</p><p>“Alright, we won’t play any games. You could play me something on the piano.” His eyes narrowed as she took another shot of tequila and she smiled softly at him.</p><p>“Not gonna happen,” he said and she pouted at him but he didn’t seem in the least affected by that nor by her best puppy eyes. “I don’t play for people.”</p><p>“But you do play?” she said triumphantly and he sighed before lifting his glass to his lips. Sansa decided not to push and instead called for Lady to jump up on the couch with her. Once the dog had settled herself comfortably next to her Sansa turned her attention back to Sandor, letting the boldness that the alcohol gave keep her from restricting herself. ”Tell me something unexpected about yourself.”</p><p>“What the fuck does that mean?” he asked with a confused scowl and she shrugged.</p><p>“Just… something you don’t think most people know or expect about you.” Sandor took a deep pull of his drink before running his hand over the scarred side of his face.</p><p>“Alright, I will. If you tell me what got you so upset today.” Sansa stiffened and turned her eyes away from Sandor’s before he could see too much of her emotions. She hadn’t really wanted to bring the conversation back to that, she had been trying to forget about it. That was the whole point of the ice cream and alcohol. “Hey… you don’t have to. I didn’t mean to…”</p><p>The sad tremble in his voice made Sansa take a deep breath and as she opened her mouth the words just spilled out of her. She told him everything, not just today’s incident. But everything that had happened in the months she had been working with Harry and the whole time Sandor held her eyes and nodded, showing her that he was listening but he didn’t say anything at all. Not a word left his lips but she could see by the firm set of them as well as how tightly he was clutching his glass that he was angry. Not with her, but for her and somehow that made her feel a little better.</p><p>“That fucking cunt.” Sansa’s hand flew to her mouth to keep in the startled giggle Sandor’s outburst had caused and she noticed the twitch in his lip before he sighed. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do because it’s your fucking life. But I have to ask, why haven’t you gone to management with this?”</p><p>“You mean why haven’t I ran to my daddy?” Sansa said with a tired sigh. “I don’t want them to think that I am making a bigger deal of it than it is and I don’t want my coworkers to think that I am a tattle tale or that I get special treatment.”</p><p>“Well fuck them. What you are asking is to be treated fairly, to get credit for your job and not being harassed by a fucking asshole all day.” The look on Sandor’s face told her that he was very close to looking up Harry himself and dealing with him, lockdown be damned. The thought warmed her heart but she knew it wouldn’t solve anything. “If he does this with you, what’s to say he isn’t doing it to other people? Who might be scared of going to management in fear of not being believed?”</p><p>Sansa stared at Sandor and she felt struck dumb. How could she not have thought of that herself? With a sleeze ball like Harry it had to be a habit, his behaviour wasn’t just one of with her. How many people in her department had he been treating this way? Sansa felt her anger flare up again and she poured herself another glass with a sigh.</p><p>“You’re right. I have to look into that and see if I can get anyone else to make a joint complaint against him. He can’t treat others like this too.” Sandor shook his head and she frowned at him. “What?”</p><p>“I just… You weren’t going to do anything to stand up for yourself but as soon as the mere thought of him doing it to someone else you suddenly want to make sure that can’t happen anymore.” Sansa frowned at him in confusion and he dragged one of his large hands through that dark hair of his he seemed to hesitate before he continued. “Why were you willing to put up with it? Fear of not causing trouble? But you’ll cause trouble if it means helping others? I don’t get that, most people just think of themselves.”</p><p>“You think of others too,” she tried to interject but he scoffed at her. “You do! We got in touch because you were looking for help to be able to help your crew.”</p><p>“I just wanted to deal with it as fast as possible to spare myself a big pain in the ass.” He said and now she was the one who scoffed, catching him off guard.</p><p>“You tell yourself that.” Sansa watched Sandor for a moment and he held her eyes without showing any emotion at all. It was a bit unnerving. “Besides, I am not selfless. I just don’t like bullies. And eating ice cream and drinking isn’t something I can do on a regular basis. On a day to day basis I deal with it differently but I hate the idea of others having to deal with him too.”</p><p>“How do you deal with it on a day to day basis?” He asked, unable to hide the interest in his voice.</p><p>“Oh I have an anthem I listen to on the ride home.” Sansa couldn’t fight the smile that pulled at her lips and she didn’t really want to. Sandor’s eyes widened and Sansa eagerly picked up her phone in order to play the song on her bluetooth speaker. “Have you heard of Sara Bareilles?”</p><p>Sandor shook his head and they both remained quiet as the first minute of the song played. Sansa started swaying to the melody and as the song built up to the chorus she saw Sandor’s eyes widen. Sansa grinned at him as she started singing along to the chorus.</p><p>“What the actual fuck?” Sandor said beneath his breath and Sansa sang a little louder, thrilled with the fact that she had taken the man by surprise.</p><p>“So sing it out with me and then let it go. Fuck that guy he’s just an asshole!” Sandor’s shock look turned into an expression of elation and in the next second she saw the biggest smile she had ever seen on his face.</p><p>As the song progressed Sansa kept singing along and she saw the way Sandor’s fingers moved as if he was playing the chords or at least itching to. It made her sure that he had to be able to play the piano in his house, no matter if he had tried to dodge her request.</p><p>Sansa couldn’t keep in a surprised laugh as Sandor’s deep voice suddenly joined hers as the song reached its crescendo.</p><p>“Fuck that guy! He’s just an asshole!” They both sang and as the song ended they grinned at each other.</p><p>“Yeah, I can imagine singing that makes you feel better.” Sandor’s words made Sansa’s smile widen even further and as he chuckled she could only imagine how silly she must look staring at him with a flushed face and a huge grin. “What did you say the singer's name was?”</p><p>“Sara Bareilles. She has written so many beautiful songs. On a piano…” She gave him a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows making him shake his head with a laugh.</p><p>“You have a lovely voice. You sound like one of those songbirds, soft and melodical.” Sansa was so taken by the compliment that she forgot her attempts to try and convince him to play for her and instead she took a sip of her drink, feeling like she should say something but not knowing what. Sandor had turned his attention to his drink too and she wished she knew how to break the tension that suddenly had appeared. </p><p>Why had him complimenting her singing felt like such a big deal? Or was it the fact that she had shared so much about her life, shared about her struggles and now that they had both had processed that things were suddenly awkward? Had she made him uncomfortable with her sharing?</p><p>Her mind was turning down a negative spiral and she didn’t like it at all, but there was nothing she could do to keep herself from feeling it.</p><p>“Stranger… he’s a psychiatric service dog.” Sansa stiffened as Sandor’s raspy voice filled the silence and she was so caught off guard that it took a moment before she processed what he had said. She lifted her eyes to look at him and found him looking at her with a neutral face. The lack of emotions told her that he was trying really hard to keep what he was actually thinking and feeling to himself.</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“You wanted me to tell you something about myself that most people don’t know or expect of me,” Sandor said carefully and Sansa nodded. “Not a lot of people know. I can bring him to work with me without having to put on his harness. Most people who do know assume that I have him to help with PTSD from my service.”</p><p>Sansa remained silent, only offering a nod to show that she was listening and he drained his glass before continuing.</p><p>“He helps with my PTSD, but it’s not from my service. It’s from...” Sandor’s face twisted in a scowl as he waved his hand over his scarred side and Sansa’s heart ached for him. “...My fucking face. What no one really knows is that <em> that </em>happened when I was six. And it took me years to try and deal with it. I suffer from social anxiety and PTSD because of it as well as shit that kept happening my whole life. Stranger helps me to cope with situations where I have to go to a new place and meet new people. He distracts me and keeps me from lashing out in difficult situations.”</p><p>Sansa wasn’t sure what she should say. She had asked him to share a piece of himself that was unexpected but she hadn’t expected him to be so open and share something that, by the look of his guarded face, wasn’t something he had shared with that many people. She felt honoured that he had trusted her enough with it but she also felt worried that she would say or do something that would make him regret having done it. How should one react to information like this?</p><p>Sansa saw how Sandor’s face fell, it only lasted a second but she caught the sudden flash of sadness, before a mask of indifference covered it and she realised the right thing was to react at all.</p><p>“Thank you Sandor,” she said softly and his face pulled into a confused frown. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t pretend to know what you have been through or what you deal with on a daily basis but I am so glad you have Stranger. I already knew he was a great dog but this just makes him even more amazing.” </p><p>Sandor turned his face away from the camera to look down at the dog in his lap and even though Sansa couldn’t see his eyes she could see the tenderness radiating off the large man as he stroked the dog’s head tenderly. Sansa realised that in some situations when she and Sandor had been interacting the dog had put himself in and stolen the attention. Sansa hadn’t realised that it had been anything other than mischief, but looking at it now Stranger must have done it to keep his master’s anxiety at bay.</p><p>“And I think you are pretty great too.” The words escaped Sansa’s lips in whisper but Sandor snapped his head up to look at her as if she had shouted. The surprised look on his face bordered on disbelief and she didn’t like the idea of him thinking so little of himself. “You are. You’ve just listened to me complain and cheered me up.”</p><p>Sandor’s eyes held hers for a long time, as if he was trying to see if she was tricking him or lying and it made her heart ache to know that his default reaction to praise or a compliment was a concern for deceit. Sansa couldn’t imagine what he had been through to react in that way. She wanted to ask, wanted to know if there was something she could do, if she could offer any comfort. But she knew it wasn’t right to ask, it wasn’t right to demand he shared everything at once with her. He had already shared a big piece of himself and had been vulnerable with her. And she realised it was also selfish of her, thinking that she could offer comfort to traumas that were probably deeper rooted in him then she could ever imagine.</p><p>“Have you seen the Princess Bride?” she asked suddenly and she was as surprised as him by the sudden turn of conversation. Perhaps her boozy mind had thought it time to take a more lighthearted turn to the evening and when there was an amused twist to his lips Sansa was grateful for it.</p><p>“I haven’t. But that’s the girly one where a girl gets kidnapped and a prince saves her right?” Sandor’s face scrunched up when Sansa glared at him.</p><p>“First of all it’s not girly, it’s great. And it’s the one where a girl is kidnapped and her kidnappers are pursued by a legendary pirate. There is also a swordsman out for revenge, an evil prince and a giant.” She couldn’t help but give him a stern look and Sandor lifted his hand in surrender.</p><p>“That doesn’t sound so bad.” The relenting wasn’t convincing but Sansa figured she should take what she could get. If she got him to watch it he would be reformed, she knew it.</p><p>“It’s on Netflix. We could watch it together.” She was ready to suggest something else when she saw the way his face fell but before she could he sighed.</p><p>“I don’t have Netflix.”</p><p>“Oh, well you can use my account.” Sansa tried to hide her excitement but the way his lips twitched told her that she was probably doing poorly at that.</p><p>Once they both played the movie Sansa couldn’t help but glance over at her laptop screen to watch Sandor’s reaction to certain moments and found it beyond sweet to see how focused he was on the movie. She wasn’t sure if he wasn’t just doing it to humour her but even if he was it was still a sweet gesture. Sansa felt happy then, as if the troubles of the day somehow was passed her. At least for now and she could be in the moment with him. The only thing that would have made it even better was if she could have Sandor there with her so that she could lean her head against his shoulder and hold his hand.</p><p>
  <em> Woah! Where did that thought come from?! </em>
</p><p>Sansa’s face flushed bright red and she glanced towards Sandor to see if he had noticed and caught him already looking at her. His grey eyes were soft and tender and there was a slight twitch in his lip before he cleared his throat nervously and turned his face away.</p><p>“The movie is not so bad,” he grumbled out in that deep rasp of his and instead of arguing with him that it was more then just not so bad she hummed softly. </p><p>She realised that despite them never actually having met in the real world, their connection was beyond real for her. It was both exciting and scary. Had she managed to develop a crush on someone she had only talked to over video chat? Was that even possible?</p><p>As she glanced at her laptop screen again and caught the small smile on Sandor’s lips she knew that even if it wasn’t logical, it was a possibility. A big possibility.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If anyone is curious about Sansa's Anthem this is a link to the song. It has gotten me through some rough days and I love it.</p><p> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IcqRbPk_bk">SaraBareilles-SweetAsWhole</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Music and memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sandor is struggling to make sense of what he is feeling for Sansa and their developing connection. Hopefully he won't let his insecurities get in the way...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!</p><p>This is so overdue!<br/>I am sorry to have kept you waiting but it's here now, finally!<br/>This chapter turned out sappy, slightly fluffy and a little sad. I hope you all enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Sandor was usually an early riser. A quality that remained from his army days so when he woke up and found that the sun was already shining through his window he frowned into his pillow. Stranger huffed in protest as Sandor tried to turn around in the bed and he opened his eyes to find the dog looking back at him on the other pillow. Stranger knew he wasn’t allowed in the bed, he had his own huge dog bed in the corner where he slept yet Sandor had a vague memory of picking the dog up in his arms and putting him on the bed.</p><p>He must have been drunker than he had thought. He remembered them ending their night after having watched that movie that turned out to be quite good. He also remembered how he had tried to offer comfort and support to her, worried that he had fucked it up completely but she had reassured him that he hadn’t.</p><p>He had shocked himself when he had told her about Stranger. The only other person he had told was Bronn and it wasn’t something that he ever wanted to share with strangers. Somehow it had seemed right to share it with her, nerve racking but right. When she had shown nothing but support he knew that his instincts had been right about her. She was something special, far to special for the likes of him yet she chose to spend time with him. He was so fucking blown away by that and about how she had called him great. He had never been one to think highly of himself so he struggled with believing her even though he knew that she wasn’t lying. He wasn’t sure why her opinion of him meant so much, or maybe he did but didn’t want to examine it too close. Because how could he explain how much he cared about someone he had never actually met? How he spent far too much time thinking about her? How he wanted to be the one to make her smile, every fucking day. Knowing that so far he seemed to have done that caused something very fucking close to butterflies to errupt in his stomach.</p><p>“Am I being stupid, boy?” Sandor asked but his dog simply looked at him and yawned. “Oh you had a long night too huh?”</p><p>Sandor knew Stranger would need to do his business and he couldn’t validate staying in bed any longer so with a groan he got up and stretched his arms towards the ceiling. The loft wasn’t large but big enough to have room for his bed, a dresser and Stranger’s bed. There was a leaning ceiling and unless he walked in the centre of the room he had to duck. He didn’t mind though because the windows looked out over the lake and he liked laying in bed looking out at it. It kept at bay some of the darkest thoughts that had a tendency to prod him as he struggled to sleep.</p><p>After pulling a pair of pyjama pants on he opened the backdoor for Stranger and kept it open as he made his coffee and was just about to take a sip when he heard the ping of his phone and frowned. He walked into the living room in search of it but couldn’t find it and then he had a vague memory of sending a text to Sansa right before bed and he cringed as he hurried up the stairs. There on the nightstand was his phone and he picked it up with a worried clench in his gut.</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>He read her messages three times before he even managed to come up with a response and all he wrote was: “Good. You?”</p><p>He groaned at himself as he sat back down on the bed. He could have at least made a bit more effort. He had always sucked at communicating with people, preferring to stay away from other people. It had worked pretty well so far so this sudden craving of wanting to get her to keep talking to him felt foreign and uncomfortable.</p><p>Her response was instant and short but sweet and he leaned back against his headboard with a smile. As he brought his coffee cup to his lips he tried to choose how to answer. Stranger came trodding up the stairs and huffed in confusion, unaccustomed to having his master return to bed. Sandor lifted his eyes from his phone and smiled at the dog.</p><p>“Hey boy, what do you think I should answer? She says she slept well, snuggling Lady.” He turned his phone towards the dog who stepped up and pressed his nose against the phone. “Yeah, I know you like her. So help me out.”</p><p>Stranger buffed and tilted his head and with a sigh Sandor patted the space next to him to show the dog that he was allowed to get back onto the bed. Stranger didn’t hesitate to jump up and put his head on Sandor’s chest. With a laugh he snapped a picture of the dog and sent it to Sansa.</p><p>“Hopefully she’s not as much of a bed hog as this guy,” Sandor read out loud as he wrote and Stranger huffed in protest. “What? It’s true.”</p><p>He sipped his coffee as he waited for her response and when it took time he felt self conscious. The picture didn’t show his face so she wouldn’t have to look at that more than necessary. It was just his chest and the dog’s head. With a groan he realised that him being shirtless in the picture might make her uncomfortable. There wasn’t much of his chest visible, just one hairy peck and the hint of his chest tattoo but had the picture been a bad call? Had he overstepped by sending it? She couldn’t see him now yet he ended up reaching for the shirt he had discarded last night and pulled it on. He frowned as he sighed at himself. He was being an absolute jackass. She was probably just busy and he shouldn’t sit around and wait for her to get back at him. It was pathetic. </p><p>Sandor placed his phone face down on the bed and started stroking Stranger’s head in hopes of calming himself and after a long slow breath he felt it working. Just in time for his phone to chime and had anyone been around to see how fast he grabbed it he would probably be embarrassed but there was only Stranger and that dog was too loyal to tease him.</p><p>“Do you see this?” he asked Stranger who tilted his head in response to his master’s shocked voice. “Right you can’t read.”</p><p>Sandor stared at the screen for a long time, not knowing what the fuck to respond. Stranger huffed impatiently next to him and Sandor took a large swig of coffee to give himself some time to settle the strange twisting in his gut.</p><p>“So she said: Can’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want to snuggle close with you. And then there is that winky face thingy. Does that mean that she is flirting with me? It does sound kind of flirty doesn’t it? Or am I just kidding myself?” Stranger’s only response was an annoyed huff before he jumped off the bed and went downstairs. Sandor didn’t mind that the dog found him annoying because he felt confident that he was kidding himself yet he couldn’t help but smile at his phone.</p><p>“Well I could think of nicer company,” he narrated as he wrote and felt unusually bold as he sent it to her. Knowing that he would probably obsess over what she might think he decided to not end the conversation there. “What are you doing today?” </p><p>He could have kicked himself with how stupid of a question that was. It was a fucking lockdown, what did he expect her to say to that? He was surprised when his phone rang and saw her name on the screen. He didn’t hesitate to answer though and pressed the phone to his ear.</p><p>“Hello?” As he spoke he realised it was the first time that they had actually just talked on the phone with each other. They had only done video calls before and it felt strangely intimate only being able to listen to her voice as he laid in bed.</p><p>“Hi. I felt it would be easier to tell you on the phone than over text. I hope it’s okay that I called?” He laid back against his pillows with a hum low in his throat. He wanted to tell her that she could call him anytime and that he would never not want to talk to her. But that would be needy and clingy and he would end up making a fool of himself so he didn’t say anything. “So I am actually getting ready for a Zoom birthday party.”</p><p>“A what?” he asked and felt his mouth twitch when she laughed, soft and melodic into his ear. It was one of the nicest sounds he had ever heard. </p><p>“My nephew Benji turns 5 today and since he can’t have a real birthday party the family is getting together to have a birthday party but on video call. We have all gotten his presents delivered to him and it will probably just be us watching him opening them and then watch him eat cake.”</p><p>Sandor couldn’t help but chuckle at that but was surprised to find that it wasn’t followed by the familiar sting that usually accompanied people talking about their loving or just normal families. He didn’t feel resentment towards Sansa for having a good childhood and a close knit family. He was happy for her, relieved even, to know that she had never had to go through the shit he went through. He never wanted her to hurt like that.</p><p>“Well that doesn’t sound so bad,” he offered after he realised that he had been quiet for too long.</p><p>“Yeah no it’s going to be nice to see everyone and talk to them. We usually see each other often, especially with some of us working together so it’s strange not doing it now. And I miss the babies so much.” There was a slight tremble to her voice but before he could come up with an appropriate reaction she cleared her throat. “So, what are you doing today?”</p><p>“Uh… probably just work out, make food, maybe play or go for a walk.” There was a startled gasp on the other line of the phone and it caused Sandor’s heart to jump in his chest. “What happened? Are you okay? Sansa!”</p><p>“You meant play as in play the piano didn’t you?!” Sandor had to press the palm of his hand to his chest to try and calm himself when he understood that she was safe and unharmed. </p><p>“For fuck sake, you nearly gave me a heartattack for that?” he growled out and she sounded like she was trying to stifle her laughter. “Maybe I ment play video games, you don’t know that.”</p><p>“Oh, but I think I do. I truly hope I get to hear you play someday Sandor.” There was a softness in her voice then that made him imagine what it would be like if he would actually play for her. As in having her in his home, with him, listening to him play.</p><p>It felt like a double edged sword. On one hand he felt nervous but excited about the possibility of them growing closer, of having her feel comfortable enough to visit him. On the other hand it felt scary to try and be that vulnerable. Fucking terrifiying to give someone the chance to hurt him again. He had gotten so good at keeping people at a distance yet it had taken him off guard how she had been able to sneak past his guards. It had happened so fast that he hadn’t even realised that it was happening. All it took was a kind smile and melodic voice.</p><p>He realised that he had been quiet for too long but he didn’t know what to say to break the silence. He couldn’t come out and say that he was fucking terrified of her seeing him in real life in case she wouldn’t be able to handle it. There was no way he could say that. So what was he supposed to say? He wasn’t going to lie to her and promise to play for her someday when he didn’t know if he would ever be able to? What the fuck could he say that wouldn’t hurt her feelings?</p><p>Before he could try to fix it, try to break the heavy silence on the line, there was the sound of running paws up the stairs and before Sandor knew what was happening Stranger came into the room and leapt into the bed. It wasn’t until the dog was sprawled over him and the bed that Sandor realised how wet the dog was. With a growled out curse he shoved the dog off the bed but the damage was already done. He was soaked all the way to his underwear and the bedding would need to be removed. To make matters worse the dog decided to shake himself and Sandor turned his back with a grunt of displeasure.</p><p>“Sandor… what…?” He realised that he was still holding the phone to his ear and he sighed.</p><p>“I left the back door open and this goddamn dog decided to take a swim in the lake. And then come up to try and fucking snuggle in bed. I am fucking soaked and he is just staring at me smug as hell.” Her loud laughter filled his ears and before he knew it he was laughing too. He was laughing so hard that he ended up sitting down on the bed, not caring that his backside was getting wet too. He was a lost cause anyway and it felt good to laugh. Maybe because he actually had someone to share it with. It was simple, just joint enjoyment over his dog’s stupid shenanigans but it felt good to share it with someone. Not someone, her. It felt good to share it with Sansa. Fuck he was in deep shit.</p><p>“Well, I’d better finish getting ready”, she managed to get out once their laughter had finally settled. “Jeyne said that Benji has been going crazy all morning so she begged us to not keep him waiting. Maybe we can talk later?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m going to have to rangle this big oaf into the bath and then I am going to have to wash up too.” There was a slight intake of breath that he didn’t know what to make off but decided to ignore. “Talk to you later.”</p><p> </p><p>Sandor had finished his lunch out on the deck and had put the dishes away and gotten himself a beer when he walked into the living room, contemplating what movie to watch. He hesitated as he passed the piano and with a sigh he put his beer down on the end table and cracked his fingers. Playing used to be a way for him to relax and decompress after a hard day because when he played all he could focus on was the music and the movement of his hands.</p><p>For some reason he felt his hand tremble as he lifted the lid on the piano and he shook his hands to stop it. It was the quietness, the lack of work keeping his mind busy, that made the memory pop up in his head. A soft voice next to him, showing him where to place his fingers. Her long slender fingers moving his to the right places and counting down. He had only been five years old so it must have sounded awful but as she played with him she had only smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.</p><p>“You play so well, sweetheart." Sandor’s eyes stung as he rubbed them and he took a shaky breath. He didn’t have that many memories of her but the ones he did always felt so vivid, maybe he had built them up in his head over the years but they were all he had of her.</p><p>In order to pull his mind down the path it was heading he quickly placed his hands against the keys and allowed his instincts to guide him. Like it often did it led him to Ray Charles and as his fingers moved to keep up with his “A bit of soul” he felt the painful memory fade away into the background.</p><p>The sound of his phone ringing cut him off in the middle and with an annoyed huff he pulled it out of his pocket only to have his annoyance simmer down as Sansa’s name flashed on the display. His heart did a stupid double tap in his chest and just to fucking spite it he answered the video call and placed the phone on top of the piano, leaning against the wall. As her face filled his screen he was yet again reminded of how beautiful she was and how out of his fucking leauge. Yet he, with the fucking scarred ugly mug, was the one she was calling everyday. How the fuck did that happen?</p><p>“Hey,” he said and probably did a shit job of hiding the smile he was fighting. She didn’t say anything about it, she just smiled at him and he wished he didn’t feel too self conscious to smile back.</p><p>“Hey Sandor, how… Are you playing?!” he winced at her loud exclamation and she covered her mouth with her hands and he couldn’t help but follow the flush of her skin as it ran from her cheeks down her neck. He lifted his eyes when he realised that he was basically staring at her chest. Thankfully she seemed too occupied with feeling embarrassed to notice. “Oh gosh, I am sorry. That was rude of me.”</p><p>“Nah, it wasn’t. Don’t worry about it,” he said with a shrug and moved the phone to the end table next to the piano, allowing her to see the keys. “And I was playing.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure if he was saying it just to tease her, because he was getting a rather big enjoyment out of that. But it was perhaps also a stupid piece of pride, knowing that something as simple as him playing the piano could elicit such a reaction in her. Her blue eyes were wide as they kept staring at his hands, as if she could prod them to move with the force of her mind.</p><p>“I interrupted didn’t I? I am sorry.” He only shrugged and caught the slight twitch at the corner of her lip, making him narrow his eyes at her because somewhere along the line of these days talking he had learned that it was a tell of hers. She was about to be cheeky or tricky. “You go right ahead and continue. Pretend like I’m not even here.”</p><p>He was unable to keep in the laugh that flew out of him and it caused him to throw his head back. The cheek of this woman! Why did it make him like her even more that she wasn’t afraid to mess with him?</p><p>“There is no fucking way I could ever do that. There is no fucking way I wouldn’’t be able to notice you.” Her eyes softened as he mentally cursed himself for being a fucking stupid cunt. That was a fucking lame and rather embarrassing thing to admit. Sensing Sandor’s discomfort, as he always did, Stranger got up from his spot on the couch and placed his head on Sandor’s thigh. With a small smile meant just for the dog Sandor scratched him behind the ear.</p><p>“Can you at least tell me what you were playing?” Sansa asked with such a hopeful tone in her voice that he knew he would never be able to deny her. She was fucking dangerous with the power she had over him, his only saving grace seemed to be that she wasn’t completely aware of it. Yet.</p><p>“A bit of soul,” he answered as her face pulled into a confused frown. “That’s the song title. By Ray Charles.”</p><p>Her face remained in that confused state and the disbelief he felt must have been visible on his face because she sighed and gave him a pointed look.</p><p>“I know who Ray Charles is, I just don’t think I’ve ever heard that song.” Sandor felt it was his obligation to change that as fast as fucking possible and he quickly quede the song on his speakers and as the music filled the room Sansa’s eyes widened.</p><p>“Are you telling me you can play this song on the piano? No way.” Maybe she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, maybe the total disbelief he thought he heard wasn’t truly there. But in the moment he didn’t know that for sure, in the moment he reacted instinctively. And that was to get defensive and as he glared at her he lowered the volume of the song.</p><p>“The fuck I can,” he growled out and the need to prove her wrong was so strong that he jumped in and started playing the piano along to the song. He didn’t normally feel the need to prove himself to people, simply because he didn’t give to shits about their opinion of him. It was different with her though, he really fucking cared what she thought of him. </p><p>As he played he didn’t forget that she was watching him or that he was playing to prove to her that he could but it took second place to the music. He kept his focus on his hands, both to keep from making mistakes but also to keep himself from turning his head to look at Sansa. A piece of him wanted to see her reaction, hoping that she would be impressed but another part of him didn’t want to see. Because what if she was impressed? What the hell was he supposed to do with that? He bristled at admiration, hated being the centre of attention. So why the fuck didn’t he mind that she gave all of hers? Why did it send a thrill down his spine to think that she found him worthy of it?</p><p>Once the song ended there was a long silence that followed and Sandor didn’t know what to do or say to stave off actually looking at her so with a deep breath he turned his head to the side and was met with Sansa’s wide eyed stare. She was leaning her chin in her hand and there was a small smile tugging at her lips that widened into a full blown grin when he lifted the phone so that she could see his face.</p><p>“Wow.” It was such a simple word yet it caused his face to flush and he rubbed the back of his neck. “You are so talented Sandor. How long have you been playing?”</p><p>“Eh… since I was about four or five… My mom played and taught me some before...” He hadn’t meant to talk about his mother. He felt his face twist into a scowl and he turned his face away from the screen as he tried to keep his throat from choking up. He didn’t speak about his mother, hadn’t since he was little so why the fuck did was he talking about her now? He got the answer to that in Sansa’s soft spoken voice.</p><p>“Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss Sandor. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a parent.” He was talking about it because Sansa was who she was. Open, kind and caring and somehow she had made her way into his life in a way he never had expected anyone to be able to.</p><p>“It was a long time ago now…” he offered with a shrug but that seemed to be the wrong thing to say because she released such a shaky breath that it made him turn his face back towards her. Her blue eyes were welling up with tears and a sudden panic set in as he struggled with how to comfort her.</p><p>“How… How old were you?” she asked hesitantly and the urge to reach out, to hold her, made him clench his hands into fists because he knew he couldn’t. Not only because of the distance but because she wouldn’t want him to do that, he was just her company in lockdown and perhaps a friend. She wouldn’t want him to… she wouldn’t want him like that.</p><p>“Five. It was a car accident.” There were tears in her eyes now for sure and Sandor wanted to tell her to save them, that he didn’t deserve them but the words refused to come. Instead he just looked at her as she absentmindedly touched her cheek and he knew what she was thinking without her having to ask. “She was alone in the car, these I got after...”</p><p>He hated himself for making her cry and there was no way that he was going to tell her how he got his scars. That would push her towards pitying him and it was one thing to have her sympathy and her care and a completely different thing to have her pity. He didn’t fucking want that, he didn’t.</p><p>“Hey. Don’t cry over something you can’t change.” Her eyes snapped up and he regretted the gruffness of his words but there was nothing he could do to take them back. He wasn’t good at consoling people and he knew he would just fuck it up even more if he tried.</p><p>“I care, that’s why I cry Sandor.” She sighed and he hated how deflated she looked.</p><p>“I… I’m not used to that. I’m…” She gave him a soft look and he felt like the best path was to pull her focus away from his tragic childhood. “Do you want me to play something else for you?”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed at him as if she knew that he was trying to move past the topic and distract her but she gave him a soft smile and nodded. He expected her to make a request or ask if he was able to play a specific song but instead she just looked at him, waiting for him to start. The way her blue eyes held his made his heart jump unexpectedly and it was as if the melody came to him then. It was soft and melodic, a delicate melody that he felt was very Sansa. </p><p>He turned his head to look at her reaction then and found that she was staring at him with a look in her eyes that he couldn’t decipher and it wasn’t what he had expected. Because he wanted to believe that it matched the way he was feeling at the moment, wanted to believe that she understood that this song was for her. He was no composer but saw no qualms in using the work of one to try and convey a little of what it meant having her in his life.</p><p>He had known his life was simple with just him and Stranger in it, but he hadn’t known how empty it was until Sansa came along and filled that space. It turned everything upside down and for a man who hated change, he didn’t hate this one. If anything he dreaded the moment when lockdown was over and his life would be empty again. And this time he would know the difference. He would know what it felt like to be lonely.</p><p>Once he finished the song he took a deep breath and wondered if she would call him out for the song he had chosen or if she would pretend like it was nothing, he wasn’t sure what would be worse. He steeled himself for her response as he turned his focus to his phone, only to find that she had laid down among her sofa cushions and had her face against one, looking at him softly. </p><p>“That was beautiful. What song is that? I've never heard it before.” He was perhaps a coward for feeling relieved that his unplanned soul bearing hadn’t been understood and with a soft smile at her he shrugged.</p><p>“Just a song that made me think of you.” She grunted in frustration and sighed when he didn’t budge.</p><p>“Fine, I’ll figure it out.” He shook his head at her, amused by the determination in her voice and eyes. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”</p><p>“Sure,” he said as he made his way into the kitchen to make some popcorn. “Do I get to pick this time?”</p><p>“Yeah that’s fair.” He was trying to list movies in his head that he thought she might want to see and that he would enjoy too. As he pulled the popcorn out of the microwave and salted them he still hadn’t come up with a good choice.</p><p>“You don’t season your popcorn?” He turned his head towards the phone where it was propped against his coffeemaker and frowned at her shocked look. “You know? Popcorn seasoning, like Cheddar or Ranch?”</p><p>“I don’t like ranch,” he said with a grimace and she gasped.</p><p>“What?! I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” He was pretty sure she was just joking with him but there was still a sudden dread that filled his stomach at her words. What the fuck was he supposed to do if she actually found something about him that would be a deal breaker? He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to handle the rejection. “Sandor, I was kidding. I’m sure I can convert you.”</p><p>He offered a not so convincing chuckle in response and poured himself a glass of scotch to try and ease the unsettled feeling in his gut. When had he become such a fucking needy mess? She was just some woman, he had been doing fine before her. He’d probably do fine without her.</p><p>He had grunted out a movie title, he couldn’t even remember which and as it played he barely paid attention to the tv. His eyes were on his phone where he could see Sansa, lying on her side, her face lit up by her tv screen. Her eyes darted towards him and when their eyes met her cheeks flushed and she ducked her head down with a shy smile and Sandor knew there was no way he could pretend that his life would be the same without her. He didn’t lie, especially not to himself. She made him happy and as she looked at him again he allowed himself to truly smile at her and she beamed at him.</p><p>He was done with overthinking everything, he was just going to enjoy the time he did get with her. Once life returned to normal and she didn’t need him anymore at least he would have the memories. No one could take those away from him, and that was a small comfort. </p><p>
  <em> I’ll never forget. Never. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you are interested in hearing the songs that Sandor plays here they are:</p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/1vX4uFHo0OKg46vO500XXb?si=jU30MVpXR7unpurglaWKNw">A bit of Soul - Ray Charles</a></p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/00TaNyeZ2nn4uatKHBlZq2?si=vIBE7O0CReSSiq83kiHsRA">Sansa's Song</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Leaning on someone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sansa has some news from home and lockdown, or rather the isolation, is making her extra emotional. Thankfully she has someone who is there for her, even if he can't physically be.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!</p>
<p>Here I am, late again. But better late then never ;) </p>
<p>I truly hope you enjoy this chapter. Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa felt like despite her life having been put on hold by the lockdown she still had gained something out of it. Or rather someone. Her and Sandor had built this routine where they talked or texted in the morning and would either work out or cook dinner together. They would spend their evenings talking over video calls or watching a movie and she felt as if this thing between them was growing stronger and deeper for each passing day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thanks to him time passed faster and she didn’t feel as lonely as she had. Because she had someone whom she thought of, who thought of her too. She woke up to short messages or she would send a good morning and his response would be almost instant. He would be the last person she talked to before going to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind has started imagining what it would be like if he had been there with her, what it would be like to be held by him and maybe just more than held. It made her blush furiously whenever those thoughts crossed her mind in his company and she couldn’t help but wonder what he would think if he knew. He hadn’t exactly given her an inkling towards what he was thinking or feeling, he never expressed an interest in seeing her outside of their usual video calls. She knew there was a lockdown happening so they couldn’t see each other, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t talk about it and make hypothetical plans. Sandor had never once brought it up and therefore Sansa didn’t dare to, because what if he said no? What if turned out that she was just someone to pass the time in lockdown with and nothing more? She would die of embarrassment. And it would hurt, she wasn’t going to deny that. So fearing Sandor’s reaction she kept quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wanted to believe that there was more than that to their “relationship” though. He had shared a lot of painful things with her, it was obvious that he was holding something back but he had shared and he had made an effort. He listened and paid attention to her and cared about what she was feeling and cared enough to ask about her family. She figured that was only because he knew how much they meant to her and she truly appreciated him for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then there was that song, the song he had said reminded him of her. It was beautiful and he had played it with such gentle care that it had made her heart ache. She had coerced him into playing it for her a few times now but she had yet to figure out what song it was. It somehow felt like it would be a sign as to what Sandor was thinking or feeling about her, about them and she was too much of a coward to ask him point blank. She needed to figure out what song it was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa had just gotten back inside her apartment after having taken a walk with Lady when her phone rang. She knew it wasn’t rational, the way her heart sped up as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, thinking that it might be Sandor calling her earlier than they had made plans for. It also wasn’t very fair of her heart to drop when she saw a picture of her father fill her screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi dad!” She made an effort to sound extra excited to hear from him to make up for her heart's unfair reaction. “How are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good. Your mom has been baking nonstop for weeks now so I think I’ve gained 10 pounds since this whole lockdown started.” He said it with a soft smile and a slight twinkle in his grey eyes that told her that he didn’t really mind it. “How are you, kitten?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m alright. Just been trying to keep busy. Lady and I just went for a walk in the park.” He gave her a soft smile as she turned the camera around to show Lady who was laying on her back on the couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… I hear you have been talking to someone. Who you've never met?” The serious look on her father’s face made Sansa sit down and take a deep breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arya told you?” she asked and the shake of his head caused her to frown.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… she was asking Robb about our on site managers and when he prodded she told him and he then told me.” Her father answered and she rolled her eyes. Of course, how could she have thought that anything would be kept private in this family? After 27 years of being in it she ought to have known how it worked. “I just wanted to make sure that you are staying safe. There are a lot of weird and dangerous people on the internet. Just don’t give away too much personal details and keep your wits about you… And…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad! I know! And you don’t have to worry. Sandor has been nothing but kind to me.” The way his eyes widened at the name made her realise that Arya probably never had figured out which on site manager it was and therefore neither had Robb or her father. Sansa couldn’t help but hold her breath as her father processed that new piece of information. She would have been lying to herself if she didn’t admit that her father’s reaction would mean a lot to her. She valued his opinion highly and that part of her that would always be his little girl, couldn’t help but seek his approval. She tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter what he thought of someone who was just a friend, but she knew there was no point in pretending. Because she wanted to see if Sandor could become more than just her friend and she wouldn’t be happy if her father didn’t approve of the man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sandor? As in Clegane?” When Sansa nodded her father dragged a hand along his bearded jaw and huffed. “Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Sansa asked a bit too sharply perhaps but she knew what her father was thinking. That she was too shallow to be able to like someone who was scarred. It hurt that her father would think so little of her. Her father looked taken aback for a second and a flash of embarrassment painted his cheeks before he cleared his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well... He’s a hardworking man. A bit severe but I suppose a man doesn’t show all his sides at work.” Her father offered her a small smile and Sansa decided to not hold a grudge. “Still, stay safe. Don’t be reckless.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t dad.” She meant it too, she knew he only meant well and wanted to protect her. She couldn’t fault him for that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to ask you, since I’m  leaving today to go see your aunt Lyanna. I was hoping that you could perhaps help your brother with his english paper? You’ve always had a way with words and it’s due while I am gone.” Sansa nodded as her heart ached for her aunt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll be able to go see her? Despite the quarantine?” she asked and her father nodded. Sansa couldn’t help but think that perhaps it meant that she wouldn’t have to wait until after lockdown to meet Sandor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have both been in quarantine since this started and neither have symptoms. We will wear masks and be safe. I just… can’t let her spend tomorrow alone.” It relieved Sansa that her aunt wouldn’t have to spend that horrible day alone. Sansa couldn’t imagine the kind of pain her aunt had gone, and still was going, through having lost her only son three years ago. For Sansa and her siblings it had been beyond painful, knowing that they would never again see that kind slightly bashful smile of their cousin. Jon had joined the army as soon as he had turned 18 and it had become a career for him. Lyanna had always said that she was both proud and terrified. Then one horrible day she  had received the message no parent ever wanted to receive, Jon had lost his life during his service. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’ll be with her,” Sansa said as she felt her eyes well up with tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll tell her you’re sending your love,” her father offered with a trembling smile before they said their goodbyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sadness didn’t leave Sansa even hours after the call. Every few moments memories of Jon popped up in her head. They had never been that close, since he was Robb’s age, but he had always been kind to her. He had stood up for her in school when one of the older kids had made fun of her red hair and no one had ever dared to tease her for it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Robb and Jon had always been so close, like brothers, and she knew he was probably having a hard time. She wasn’t sure if he would admit it to her though, since he had always tried to be the strong older brother to her. Still she sent a message to him, telling him that she loved him. It only took a few minutes before he responded, telling her that he loved her too and that he would put flowers on Jon’s grave for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before she was able to put her phone down it started ringing and she instantly answered when she saw Sandor’s name flash across the screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said with a soft smile that twisted into a concerned frown. “What’s wrong? Sansa, why are you crying?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” It was strange that seeing him somehow made the tears fall. It was just such an unexpected sense of relief to know that he was there. She shook her head at herself, because it was stupid to put such importance in someone she barely knew. Yet she felt like she did, more than most, and so did he with her. With an embarrassed smile she wiped her cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did that ass do something? I swear I’ll figure out where he lives and I’ll…” Sandor growled out angrily and Sansa shook her head to stop him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! No, it has nothing to do with Harry,” she assured him and in an instant the sudden anger was gone and she wasn’t sure she had ever seen his grey eyes so soft before. It made a warmth spread through her chest and she took a deep breath. “It… Tomorrow is a hard day for my family. It will be three years since my cousin died, killed in action.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There had been no doubt in her mind about telling him, somehow she had known he would be willing to listen and she had wanted to turn to him for comfort. As a former soldier he probably had experience with what her family had gone through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for your loss.” His voice was a low rasp and it gave her a sense of comfort to just hear it. Again she caught herself wishing that he was there so she could have his big strong arms wrapped around her and feel the vibrations of his chest against her cheek as he spoke. She imagined he would give the most comforting hugs. “I am sure he was a great man."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was. And thank you, Sandor.” He gave a soft nod and seemed to hesitate, as if he was unsure what he could say. Sansa couldn’t help the small smile that it brought to her face. “It’s extra hard not being able to be with my family. But my dad is going to be with my aunt tomorrow so that’s a relief.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can be with you, if you want.” For a split second she thought he was offering to come over and her heart jumped in her chest. But then she realised he probably just meant through video call and she tried really hard to keep her disappointment off her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you Sandor. Being able to talk to you like this truly means so much,” she told him and for a second there was a flash of something that she couldn’t decipher on his face. It was gone as fast as it came and he seemed calm and unfazed so she didn’t want to push. Instead she tried to move the conversation along. “You wanna work out and cook dinner?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we could do that. Or we could order pizzas, eat ice cream and binge that show you were talking about the other night.” She couldn’t help the way her eyes welled up again at his words. It amazed her how he seemed to know her so well and understand what she needed without her having to say anything. Perhaps she wasn’t the most complex person, but it still meant so much that he was trying to comfort her in every way he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d love that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa lost track of the number of episodes they watched after stuffing themselves with pizza and ice cream. She listened to Sandor’s commentary as he watched Lucifer for the first time and at first he had been skeptical but after the first season he had warmed up to it. He had made her laugh so hard with his deadpanned comments and she had caught the way he would look at her and beam when she laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sansa? Hey, wake up. You don’t want to sleep on the couch.” She must have dozed off because Sandor’s words made her jolt up and turn towards her phone that she had propped up on her coffee table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, how long was I out?” she asked as her cheeks flushed red.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not long. But maybe you should go to bed.” She nodded and after she turned off the tv she grabbed her phone and headed towards the bathroom. Both seemed reluctant to hang up and as she brushed her teeth she saw that he had gone to the bathroom too and was doing the same. It was an unexpected sense of intimacy at getting ready for bed together, even if they weren’t really together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hesitated on what to do with her phone while she got changed but decided on putting it on her bedside table, facing her pillow and away from where she was changing. For a second her hand lingered over the ivory silk chemise in her dresser, trying to imagine how Sandor would react to seeing her in it instead of her colourful pyjamas. The mere thought of being that bold made her face flush bright red and she quickly grabbed her regular pyjamas. Sandor would probably think her far too forward and inappropriate. They had barely started having a slightly flirty jargon and he had sent her a picture of his chest, and Stranger, which she assumed had meant to be the focus but that chest had stolen the show. It didn’t mean that they were at a point where she could display her sexy sleepwear. God, what was wrong with her?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa was grateful when her attention was stolen as she heard Sandor tell Stranger to get down and she couldn’t keep in a giggle when she heard the gruff in protest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, is your daddy being a big meanie and not letting you sleep in the bed, Stranger?” Sansa called out as she pulled her pajama bottoms on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He has a comfortable dog bed. I spent the first three months after I got him sleeping on the couch, he’ll live.” Sansa climbed up the bed once she had her pyjamas on and saw that Sandor was already in bed, his head resting on his pillow. Lady jumped up after her and the dog did her circle dance before laying down at the foot of the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sandor gave her a soft look and she felt her cheeks flush with warmth. It didn’t help the colour of her face to notice that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had the covers across his chest, but the top of it was still visible as well as one very large very muscled arm. There was a lot of dark wiry looking chest hair and Sansa had never thought about how intriguing chest hair could be before she had seen Sandor’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you do that?” she asked in hopes of trying to hide the way she had just been oggeling him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well since he is a big dog breed they aren’t supposed to go up and down stairs too much when they are little. I tried carrying him up them but Stranger was pretty scared of the stairs so it was just easier to sleep downstairs.” The soft heart of that big man made her own flutter and if she closed her eyes she could almost pretend that he was in the room with her. Laying in bed, holding her, them both just talking about everything and anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s too cute,” she said but Sandor scoffed at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, back pain and a stiff neck ain’t cute,” he said with a deadpan look only to lift his eyes, she imagined he was looking at Stranger, causing his lip to twitch as he fought a smile. “But I guess he was worth it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a happy snort in response and Sansa loved how talkative Stranger was. How sweet the way master and dog communicated was. Her father might not think Sandor warm or caring, but Sansa knew the truth. Not only from his relationship with his dog but with how he had been there and supported her twice now when she had been having a hard time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a grimace she realised that she must not have been the greatest of company, who would want to spend their time with someone they barely knew, having to deal with their problems all of the time? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” he asked, as if he was able to tell that something was off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just realised that it’s the second time in a short while that you’ve been forced to deal with me having a bad day. I didn’t mean to take up so much of your time with my problems…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sansa, don’t.” Sandor’s voice came out sharp enough for her to bite her bottom lip and his grey eyes were serious as they held hers. “Don’t do the niceties bullshit with me. If I didn’t want to talk to you I wouldn’t talk to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a very simple, perhaps a bit blunt, statement but it did make her feel better about everything. He was an honest person who spoke his mind and she decided to take his word for it. He was talking to her, comforting her, keeping her company because he wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. And oh, I should probably tell you that my dad knows that we are…” She almost said dating but stopped herself at the last second, because that wasn’t really what they were doing, was it? “Talking… Figured you should know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sandor’s eyes widened for a split second and even as he schooled his face to look unaffected Sansa could make out the tension in his shoulders. She worried that it was an uncomfortable piece of news for him, that he had wanted to keep it quiet. Her father was his boss after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Can’t imagine he was too pleased with that piece of information.” His tone sounded slightly bitter and Sansa couldn’t help but give him a questioning look. “One of his employees hanging out with his daughter? Who is ten years older?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you were 35.” He sighed as if it was the wrong thing to focus on but to her it wasn’t. Sure her father might not have been absolutely thrilled but he hadn’t been negative either. It wasn’t like she had said that she was dating Sandor or told him that it was where she hoped that it was going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am 35. I’ll be 36 on…” Sandor stopped himself and Sansa’s eyes widened in excitement. “Forget it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you have to tell me! It’s soon, isn't it?” Sandor gave her a stern look, or as stern as he could pull off where he was lying on his pillow with his long black hair pulled back but still touching his shoulder. “If you don’t tell me I will just look it up in our personnel files.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure that’s an invasion of privacy and against company policy,” he said but Sansa only rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t. You are too nice and proper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She raised her eyebrow in challenges and the way the corner of his mouth twitched told her she had won. With a sigh he admitted that his birthday was the following week and Sansa realised that she needed to do something to make it special, even with such short notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see the cogs turning inside your head and don’t waste your time and energy on it. It’s no big deal,  I haven’t celebrated since I was a kid anyway.” Sansa couldn’t keep in her gasp and the sadness those words filled her with much have shown on her face because Sandor sighed. “I shouldn’t have told you that, should I? You are going to make an even bigger deal out of it now, aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I would… If… Then it would be because I care about you Sandor. And that I think you being brought into this world is something that should be celebrated.” The disbelief on his face made her heart ache and yet again she wished she could hug him. Maybe if he was able to feel her hug he would know that she meant it. “Is that okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s unexpected. I mean, you are… you and I’m… this.” She felt her chest flare with heat with how confused he sounded and she couldn’t help but grin at him. His eyes darted down when her amusement showed on her face. “Oh, you meant celebrating me. Didn’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t mean to laugh but she couldn’t help herself because of the slightly embarrassed look he gave before hiding his face in his pillow. Sansa couldn’t believe that she was being able to see this side of him. She was fairly certain he didn’t share this softer, more vulnerable side with anyone. There was another layer of exposure in talking late in the night when they were both tired that made her heart open up even more to him and a part of her thought maybe he was feeling the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Since you aren’t complaining that much I am going to take it as permission to celebrate your birthday.” Sandor turned his head back towards her and there was a slight tint of pink to the top of his cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a feeling there would be no stopping you even if I try.” The teasing tone of his deep set voice made her throw her head back with a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t sure how long they just laid there, both in their beds, talking. But it was well into the late hours of the night and Sansa felt herself getting more and more tired, and with the way Sandor’s voice started to drop even deeper and slower she could tell that he was starting to get tired too. Yet they didn’t hang up and it wasn’t until a long moment of silence that Sansa realised that she had closed her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she opened them she felt her face split into a huge smile. Because on her screen was Sandor, his eyes closed and his breathing heavy. She should be embarrassed by how long she had just stared at him while he slept. He looked so serene and she was amazed with how much his face relaxed in his sleep, it reminded her of the few times when she had made him laugh. Or rather those seconds right after when he was completely tension free and just happy. Maybe she should have hung up but she hadn’t wanted to, instead she laid there listening to his slow breathing and wishing that she would have been able to rest her head on his chest. She hugged her pillow tight to her chest, it was a poor substitute for the warmth and strength she imagined she would find in Sandor’s arms. But it would have to do. Until the day she could actually meet him. As she watched him sleep she knew that for her it wasn’t longer a question of if, but when. She just hoped that he would want the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good night, Sandor,” she whispered before closing her eyes and allowing the steady sound of his breathing lull her to sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dream of me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Happy fucking birthday to me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's Sandor's birthday! What will Sansa come up with to celebrate? Will Sandor allow her to actually celebrate it, celebrate him?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!</p>
<p>Here I am again with another chapter of this story. I am so thrilled by everyones love and support. Thank you! And I hope you guys enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>It would have been like any other Wednesday, just another day of the week, and pass by without much incident. No one at work would know and he’d just treat it like any other day. Sometimes it passed without him realising it until weeks later. </p>
<p>There was one thing different about this year, or one person. Sandor had a strong feeling that Sansa wouldn’t let the day pass by without drawing some attention to it. She had asked him a few days earlier what he wanted to do and he hadn’t been able to come up with anything other than working out and having dinner. She had looked disappointed for a second but hadn’t said anything. He felt pretty confident that she would probably fulfil his requests and he would be more than happy with that. </p>
<p>He woke up with the sun, had his usual breakfast on the back porch and threw Stranger’s ball for a bit. When his phone rang he knew who it was and as her name filled the screen he didn’t bother to fight the smile that stretched his face. He was grinning at the screen as her face came into view and threw his head back and laughed when she blew a party horn at the screen. She grinned at him before she broke out into song and he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had sung happy birthday to him. He did know that no one had ever done it so sweetly or so beautifully and once she ended the song he was at a loss for words that he could only stare at her. At this wonder of a human who somehow thought him worthy of her time.</p>
<p>“Happy Birthday Sandor!” she exclaimed and he realised that he could at least tell her thank you. She deserved more words but he was shit with them and didn’t want to make an idiot of himself.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She smiled at him and he couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing the same blouse that she had worn the first time they had talked and she was wearing more makeup then he had seen her in for days. </p>
<p>“I have a few meetings today but I should be done around 3 pm. Wanna workout at around 4 and then we will cook dinner? Steak and roasted potatoes and veggies, like you said you wanted.” It sounded like the perfect day to him, no matter how simple. Because he would get to spend it with her. He almost admitted as much but managed to keep from making a fool of himself.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Sounds good.” He felt proud of how casual he sounded and when she gave him a sweet smile he couldn’t help but return it. </p>
<p>He told himself that the warm feeling in his chest was normal, he just wasn’t used to people being as kind as she was. He had never had a friend like Sansa, never had a person in his life who seemed to care as much as she did and for someone who had chosen to be on his own it was a bit overwhelming. </p>
<p>He would have expected it to be annoying or perhaps tiresome but it wasn’t. It was exciting and he couldn’t wait to see her again, despite only having just hung up. In hopes of making time pass faster he headed into his office to get some work done. He had a few emails that needed answering but mostly he just filled out forms and checked so that everything was up to par for whenever they were getting back to work.</p>
<p>As he was finishing his lunch the doorbell rang and with a confused frown he told Stranger to stay in the kitchen. Sandor opened the door to find a box on his doorstep and as he lifted his eyes he saw a delivery man wave towards him before getting into his truck.</p>
<p>Sandor stared down at the box before picking it up and was surprised by the weight of it. He didn’t have to check the label to know it was from Sansa. He carried it into the kitchen and Stranger tried to jump up to sniff it. He sternly told the dog to knock it off and put the box carefully on the kitchen island. He felt both excited and nervous and it was such an unexpected combination that he shook himself and then opened it.</p>
<p>He couldn’t help but laugh as he saw the brightly coloured printed wrapping paper and pulled out three wrapped gifts. His fingers carefully lifted the card that was attached to one and the image on it made him grin from ear to ear. In the front was a too striking of a likeness to Stranger for it to be a coincidence, wearing a green partyhat. He showed it to the dog who turned his head in confusion and with a pounding heart he opened the card.</p>
<p>“Happy birthday Sandor! I truly wish that this new year is filled with happiness, laughter and music. You have brought so much of it into my life that it is only fair you get some in return. Thank you for being a part of my life, for being you. I am so glad I found you. P.S Save the cake for after dinner. XOXO Sansa.” He had to read the card out loud several times for it to actually sink in. He felt his hands shake and he cleared his throat and forced the waves of emotions down by turning his attention to the three gifts.</p>
<p>There was different wrapping paper around each one but they were all equally colourful and he found it amusing that she obviously had put a lot of effort in making them as bright as possible. For a moment he hesitated about opening them, to instead wait until Sansa called, but she hadn’t left any instructions in her cards. Other than he was supposed to wait with a cake, that wasn’t in the box. Had she forgotten it? </p>
<p>He realised it was better that he opened the gifts without her being able to see him. That way he wasn’t taken by surprise by anything. He would have hated going emotional because of something silly in front of her. He had reacted way too strongly to a simple card so getting actual gifts from her? Chances were that they would hit him harder and he would probably not react in the way one was supposed to. He had a habit of lashing out when he was uncomfortable and would hate himself if he did that with her. So with frazzled nerves he opened the first box. His eyes widened as he pulled out the bottle of scotch, very expensive northern scotch. His eyes caught on the small card attached to the bottle’s neck and chuckled as he read the words out loud.</p>
<p>“It’s not Kahlua but I hope it will do. I couldn’t find anything about how it paired with ice cream but it had very good reviews on the website.” He found it cute that she felt like explaining the thought behind the gift, it was so very Sansa. He wasn’t sure when he had gotten to the point of being to tell when something was typical behaviour for her, and it partially made him feel nervous but it also warmed him to know that he knew her. That she had never been anything but truthful and honest with him, she hadn’t tried to play a role like so many people did. It was one of the things he liked most about her.</p>
<p>As he opened the lid a small note caught his eye and he threw his head back and laughed so suddenly and so loudly that Stranger jumped. Sandor gave the dog an apologetic rub on his head and Stranger leaned into the touch, seemingly forgiving him. </p>
<p>“I am slowly but surely bringing colour into your life.” The second gift of a bright green t-shirt and a pair of black workout shorts with a bright green stripe on each side of the legs were definitely colourful. He felt his cheek heat as he realised that she truly had brought colour into his life, but that there had been nothing slow about it. “More like a fucking explosion.”</p>
<p>When he opened the third gift he had no expectations or ideas of what it could contain, but he hadn’t expected there to be a book. He had never heard of the title <em> A tale of frost and brimstone </em>nor had he heard of the author. He wasn’t much for reading but if Sansa had given it to him she must have thought he would enjoy it. From what he could read of the description on the back it was a fantasy type story set in a medieval setting but with magic and war. It actually sounded rather intriguing.</p>
<p>Knowing he had a few hours to kill before Sansa would call he grabbed the book and headed towards the living room. Stranger followed and when they sat down the dog rested his large head in his lap. After having gotten comfortable, Sandor opened the book and noticed the note that Sansa had placed between the first pages.</p>
<p>
  <em> This is one of my all time favourite novels, it’s a whole series with eight books. If you like this one and want to read the rest you are more then welcome to borrow my copies. They have been my escape at times when I truly needed it. I hope it can be the same for you.  </em>
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<p>He also noticed that she had written a dedication. What was it with this woman and notes? Did she have a desire to make him into an emotional mess? More than he already was that is. He wasn’t used to this type of care and displays of affection, which to him this was. She was showing that she cared about him, about his birthday and that she wanted today to feel special. It might mean more to him then she was aware but that part didn’t matter. She was a good friend, he didn’t have a lot of those.</p>
<p>
  <em> To Sandor on his birthday. I am grateful for you. I always will be. Sansa </em>
</p>
<p>It was like a punch in the gut and for a moment he felt like he couldn’t breath. When had anyone shown him this much care? Had anyone ever said that they were grateful for him before? He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this much warmth from another person, couldn’t remember ever feeling it for someone and it was too much. Far too much, it was stifling and the air in his lungs felt thick. He heard Stranger whine next to him but he couldn’t process what was happening. He needed to cool down, he needed to get away from this onslaught of emotions. </p>
<p>Before he had even made a conscious decision he strode towards his bathroom. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it into the floor, not caring where it ended up. He pulled his socks off with an angry huff and fiddled with his belt for a frustratingly long time before he was able to push his jeans down. He had barely gotten them off before he stepped into the shower and turned it on. The cold water hit him and it felt like it was a wave of calm, like he could breathe normally again as he turned his face up towards the ceiling where he had built in the showerhead. He heard Stranger whine from the other side of the glassdoor and opened it slightly to try and calm the dog. Stranger had another idea though as he pushed his way inside and sat down in the middle of the shower, getting soaked in seconds.</p>
<p>Sandor bit his tongue to keep the scolding remark from escaping and as he closed the shower door the large dog pressed against his leg and it made Sandor’s lip twitch despite the heavy feeling in his chest.</p>
<p>“I know buddy, I feel a lot better now. I just… it’s too much you know? She is just… so… fuck if I know.” With a frustrated growl he dragged his hand over his face and wished that he had any way to make sense of what he was feeling, but he was terribly inadequate when it came to dealing with and expressing his emotions. Another set of scars left by his family.</p>
<p>By the time he had taken a shower, dried Stranger off and calmed down it was almost time for his and Sansa’s workout. He was just waiting for her to call, which might be pathetic but he couldn’t give a shit at this point. It wasn’t like he had anything more important to do, and even if the lockdown hadn’t happened he knew nothing would be more important than Sansa.</p>
<p>There was a firm rap at his door and he grunted as he headed towards it, Stranger hot on his tail. When his hand closed around the doorknob he hesitated for a second. What if it was Sansa? No, there was no way she was just going to show up like that. Right?</p>
<p>He felt the heavy feeling from before start to come back and shook his head to rid himself of it. With a deep breath he opened the door and frowned in confusion when he didn’t see anyone outside it. He could hear a car but he couldn’t be sure if it was close by.</p>
<p>“What the fuck…?” his confusion was interrupted by the happy grunt Stranger released and Sandor realised the dog was scraping his paws against something. He pushed the dog away and picked up the paper box that had a large amount of slobber on it. It had the logo of a bakery on the lid and he realised it had to be the cake Sansa had been talking about. “Were you trying to steal my birthday cake? That’s rude even for you!”</p>
<p>Stranger whined as he followed his master into the kitchen and Sandor couldn’t help but let the curiosity get the better of him. He wasn’t much of a dessert person but as he lifted the lid and saw what looked to be a chocolate and cherry cake he felt tempted to take a bite. The only thing keeping him from doing so was that he was fairly certain Sansa would know, and she had told him to wait. Stranger huffed in annoyance, as if he wanted to remind him that he wanted a piece too. Sandor wasn’t surprised when he saw that there was a dog bone shaped cookie in the box.</p>
<p>“You are lucky she likes you.” <em> We both are. </em></p>
<p>Stranger whined when Sandor put the box in the fridge but Sansa had told him to save the cake for after dinner, and that was what he was going to do. When he heard the chime signaling he had an incoming video call he hurried to where he had put his laptop on the coffee table and soon his screen filled with Sansa’s smiling face.</p>
<p>“Oh you’re wearing them!” She exclaimed happily and the huge grin on her face made him take a step back so she could see the whole outfit. When she giggled at the pose he made he knew it had been the right call to put on the new clothes she had gotten him. “I’m glad they fit. I was worried they wouldn’t since you’re so… big…”</p>
<p>Her cheeks turned a bright pink and she ducked her eyes down once the words left her lips, making Sandor frown at her in confusion.</p>
<p>“No, they fit alright.” He cleared his throat nervously and the sound drew her attention back to him. “I… Thank you… for these. For all of the gifts… I’ve never… Thank you.”</p>
<p>He felt like he had made a terrible mess out of it but she beamed at him and it made him feel a little less like a fuck up. For now, at least.</p>
<p>“So you want to do our regular workout session?” she asked and he nodded. He was proud of how much improvement he had been able to see in Sansa over these weeks. At first she had struggled with the basic exercises but as time passed she had gotten better and stronger. He was about to tell her as much when she stepped back from her laptop so that he was able to see all of her.</p>
<p>“You’ve got to be fucking with me!” He felt like his eyes were bugging out of his head as he tried to wrap his head around the hot pink sparkly tights she was wearing. It was the brightest piece of clothing he had ever seen in his life and he rubbed his eyes as if that would make them look more normal. Nope, still crazy sparkly hot pink pants. “Did you get those just to mess with me?”</p>
<p>His attention was pulled from her sparkly legs when Sansa threw her head back and laughed. There was just something about her laugh that always stole his full focus and made his heart speed up.</p>
<p>“I actually bought them a few years ago when my brother was getting married. For my sister in law's bachelorette we all dressed up in 80’s clothes and took her pole dancing.” Sandor felt like his mind had gone blank. Perhaps not blank, since it was trying to conjure up the image of Sansa’s long sparkly legs wrapped around a pole and he didn’t want to go there. Not with her staring at him from across a screen. “I might have saved them for last though.”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t get crazier than these, that’s for sure.” Sansa gave him a look of mock offence that had him chuckling and to busy himself with something other than where his mind had gone he untied his hair only to tie it again.</p>
<p>“You should just be glad that I went with a less crazy colour for you. I’m sure I could have found the same pink in your size.” He pulled his face into a horrified grimace but if he was honest with himself he probably would have put them on. If only to make her smile. It wasn’t like anyone else would ever see him in them anyway.</p>
<p>“I’m sure I could rock pink.” He saw her lip pull into a small smile at his joke before the colours of her cheeks deepend again. </p>
<p>“I’m sure you’d look really good in any colour.” The way her voice dropped made his throat go dry and when she bit her lower lip he had to bite back a groan. That plump soft pink lip that he imagined would taste sweet against his. He felt himself start to sweat and they hadn’t even started working out yet.</p>
<p>“Let’s get started. I need to earn that cake you got me.” He knew he was too sharp as he said it, saw it in the way she flinched but he couldn’t take it back. Neither should he, he needed the reminder that he wasn’t a nice man. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter. She deserved so much better then him anyway. </p>
<p>He wasn’t sure that he even deserved to call her his friend but as he sat by his kitchen table listening to her sing him Happy Birthday again, he knew that somehow she thought he had earned that privilege.</p>
<p>“Make a wish!” she exclaimed although there was no candle on his cake. He couldn’t stand the thought of a lit flame so close to his face, despite it being a small one and he was grateful that she didn’t ask him to light one. He didn’t want to talk about that, didn’t want to show his weakness to her.</p>
<p>“I don’t need anything, so no point in making a wish,” he tried to argue but the dark look she gave him made him close his eyes and take a deep breath. “Fine.”</p>
<p>When he opened his eyes again he saw that she had placed a plate with a piece of cake on her table too and he heard Lady’s happy yip when she got her dog bone cookie. Stranger gobbled his piece in one go and then he stared at Sandor’s cake with such intensity that Sandor had to tell him to go away.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t sure what kind of cake you would want but I took a gamble on the Black Forest cake, I figured it wasn’t too sweet.” Sansa explained as he tasted it. It was deep and rich in flavour and the hit of cherry was unexpectedly tasty.</p>
<p>“What’s your favourite cake?” he asked and she smiled around the cake in her mouth.</p>
<p>“Anything lemon basically.” He scowled at the Black Forest cake on her plate and it was as if she could read his mind when she shrugged. “It’s your birthday and this way we are sharing the same cake. It’s something, at least.”</p>
<p>He should scoff at the level of sentimentality she seemed to place in fucking cake but the sound died in his throat as he saw the way her lips pulled into a shy smile. She might be far too sentimental, far too caring. Yet it was what made her Sansa and he wouldn’t want her to be any other way. He wanted to ask her why she was wasting her time on someone like him. They were far too different but he would worry about that once the real world came knocking. For now he cherished the way this woman cared, about him. Fuck the reasons why she should or shouldn’t. The fact was that she did.</p>
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<p>“Fuck,” he growled out a few days later when he saw that at the top of his inbox was an email from Eddard Stark. He stared at it for a long time without opening it, knowing that it would probably contain an angry message from a protective father telling him to leave his daughter the fuck alone. Sandor couldn’t blame him for it either, who would want their daughter to spend time with someone like him? Someone who had nothing to offer her, when she deserved the fucking world?</p>
<p>Stranger whined as he put his head in Sandor’s lap and Sandor realised that he was spirling. The suffocating feeling in his chest was getting stronger and he knew that the only way to stop it was to face what he was anxious about. So as he held his breath he opened the email from his boss. As his grey eyes skimmed the text his anxiety lessened and he felt slightly sheepish for freaking out.</p>
<p>The email had nothing to do with him, nor Sansa. In fact it was a completely professional mail, explaining to his staff that since the government had decided to lessen some of the harder restrictions people would slowly be able to come back to work. There was some more information for those who worked in the office but Sandor only skimmed that, read enough to know that Sansa would probably go into the office every other week. For his part the construction work wasn’t starting yet but hopefully in a few weeks. </p>
<p>Once he had read through the email Sandor leaned back into his chair, feeling deflated. It was happening, the real world was knocking and it was taking Sansa with it. She would be going back to work, she was going to be able to spend time with other people. With her real friends and her family. She wouldn’t want to spend time with him anymore. He wouldn’t be needed.</p>
<p>He felt the anxiety pushing against his lungs and tried to make himself take deep breaths. They were shaky at best and he should go outside, he should get some fresh air. He knew that but as his computer notified him of a call from Sansa he ignored his instincts and answered it.</p>
<p>“Hey Sandor! Did you hear? We are going back to work.” She sounded so happy about it and it fucking stung. Because he wasn’t happy. For him it meant going back to being alone. He couldn’t admit that to her though so instead he nodded. “They will have us come in on alternate weeks though so that we aren’t too many. And there will be safety measures but it feels really good that we are getting a semblance of normalcy back, you know?”</p>
<p>He didn’t but he hummed none the less as he felt the suffocating feeling grow stronger. He needed to get out, he needed to leave before he had a breakdown in front of her. But she just kept talking. </p>
<p>“So. I was thinking… Maybe once things get sorted we could meet up? If you want I mean…” He thought that knowing that she wanted to see him in the real world would make him relieved but it only made the heavy feeling in his chest worse. Because how could someone like her ever want to be seen with someone like him? He would be self conscious the whole time and fuck it up. He always fucked things up.</p>
<p>“I can’t…” he pushed out through the pressure in his lungs and her eyes widened in shock or disbelief, he couldn’t tell what. Stranger whined at his side but Sandor pushed the dog away.</p>
<p>“Oh… Well I was just thinking something small, like lunch some time? It would be really nice to see you, in person I mean…” With a frustrated snarl Sandor slammed his fist into his desk and she jumped in her seat. He felt Stranger pish his head against his side and scrape his paw against his leg instantly. Sandor pushed him away again with an angry shove.</p>
<p>“For fuck sake! I can’t… It’s too… This… You… It’s too fucking much!” He growled out and the last thing he saw before disconnecting the call was the way her face fell.</p>
<p>He practically ran out the back door, Stranger’s worried yips following him outside and as his lungs filled with fresh air he released it all in an angry shout.</p>
<p>“WHY DO I FUCK EVERYTHING UP?!!”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. What now?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sansa has a lot to process. Will she be understanding of Sandor's reaction or won't she? What now?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey!</p>
<p>So I am beyond thrilled that you guys seemed to enjoy the last chapter so much! It truly means a lot. Little side note: the dog in this picset is my dog, Tifa 💞</p>
<p>I hope you guys enjoy this chapter too! </p>
<p>And HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p>
  <span>After Sandor hung up Sansa just sat there, stunned for a long time. Just staring at her screen, not knowing or understanding what had just happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t seen the outburst coming, nor did she understand where it was coming from. She hadn’t thought her asking if he wanted to meet up was that far fetched, or out of the blue. They had been talking every day for weeks! It wasn’t just her that called him either. He had taken just as an active part in their friendship as she had. </span>
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  <span>She felt herself getting agitated and in hopes of giving him some time to calm down she tried to focus on her work. Yet as the hours passed and she didn’t hear from him she started to worry that he had meant what he had said. That she was too much. Maybe she was too much, too intense. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother had always said that she felt things very strongly, and perhaps her feelings for Sandor had grown stronger then she had anticipated. That wasn’t a reason for him to get so angry with her, was it? Unless he didn’t think of her as anything but a pastime and now that they were slowly getting out of lockdown he didn’t need her anymore. </span>
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<p>
  <span>“Was I too much, Lady?” Her dog turned her head and Sansa forced herself to smile through the sting in her chest. “I don’t know… Maybe I was on his birthday. Perhaps it made him realise that I think of this, him and I, as more than friends. And he doesn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lady huffed in protest as she put her paws on Sansa’s lap and Sansa buried her face in the dog’s fluffy fur. She didn’t like that she was feeling this insecure over him. He was a grown man, if he had felt something was too much or even if he wanted to turn her suggestion of meeting up he could have done it differently. There was no excuse for just shouting at her and disconnecting the call. The new onset of annoyance spurred Sansa to get up from her chair and grab Lady’s leash.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go for a walk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was rather hot for being late afternoon and Sansa enjoyed the smell of flowers in the air that always came with summer. This year hadn’t been anything like the years before so somehow she felt like she had missed how the season changed. There were no road trips to the beach with her family, no picnics in the park. For a split second her mind filled with the image of her having a picnic by the lake at Sandor’s house, with the dogs running around them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was where she thought things were going, where she had hoped they might end up. Not with him thinking she was too much. Maybe the fact that her mind had gone there, where his obviously wasn’t, was a sign that she indeed was too much?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they came back inside Sansa ordered some food from the deli down the block and as she waited she scrolled through her Netflix library. With a frustrated huff she realised that most of her favourite movies she now associated with Sandor. She had gotten him to watch most of them and now she needed to find a different type of comfort movie than her usuals. </span>
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<p>
  <span>“Stupid boy,” she growled out as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and Lady offered a yip in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning Sansa woke to the sound of her phone ringing and without giving it permission her heart jumped in her chest, practically chanting Sandor’s name. It turned silent as she saw Arya’s picture on her screen and for a moment Sansa hesitated to answer. Her sister would know instantly that something was up and Sansa didn’t want to talk about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said as she finally answered and Arya was silent for a second as her grey eyes scanned over Sansa. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are still in bed. It’s 10 am.” Arya stated her facts with a scowl and Sansa sighed. “Do I need to give Clegane an ass whooping?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa wasn’t surprised that the identity of the man she had been talking with had reached her sister. Her family was not great with keeping things private, if one knew they all knew. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. And have you seen him? He is like 6’7 and huge.” The scoff Arya released was so loud that Sansa flinched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So? The bigger the man, the harder the fall.” The determination in Arya’s eyes made Sansa almost believe that if she wanted to take on Sandor she could. If anything it made her feel slightly better to know that her sister was looking out for her. “And if it’s not him, then what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… Fine. Yesterday I suggested we’d meet in person now that we are slowly going back to work and he freaked out. Told me that I am too much and hung up. Haven’t heard anything since.” Talking about it made her chest sting again but the anger that flared in Arya’s eyes still made her want to defend Sandor. “I guess maybe I was. I mean, we haven’t known each other that long and I kind off sprung it on him... “</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up! Don’t do that. Don’t belittle what you want or how you feel.” Arya’s words were sharp and they hit home so hard because Sansa knew they were true. “It wasn’t like you were asking him to marry you or something outrageous. Asking to meet you after weeks of talking? Pretty fair, I think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well he didn’t seem to think so. I just feel… stupid. For starting to have feelings for him and reading him so wrong.” Sansa hated that tears welled up in her eyes and she rubbed them furiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You get attached quickly.” Sansa glared at her sister and Arya lifted her hands up in defense. “It’s not a bad thing. I’ve always envied how easily you make connections with people. You’re so open and people gravitate towards that. It’s his fucking loss.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa smiled at her sister, it was small and trembling, but at least it was a smile. Arya’s eyes lit up and for a moment Sansa worried if Arya actually was going to do something to Sandor, she for sure wouldn’t put it past her sister.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry but I have to get going, Gendry got us tickets to a drive in movie,” Arya said as she fiddled on her phone for a moment. “I just ordered you a bunch of treats from that patisserie you like. Get dressed, it will be at your door in 20 minutes. Oh and Sansa. If you want to talk later, just give me a call. Chicks before dicks!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t help but throw her head back and laugh at that and knowing that treats were coming her way she got out of bed and threw some clothes on. She needed to take Lady out for a quick walk and get some coffee started. Her life wasn’t ending just because Sandor didn’t seem to want to talk to her anymore. She was going back to work on monday, and she actually felt grateful for that. That way she would be busy and his sudden absence wouldn’t be as intensely felt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa was on her third lemon tart when her phone rang again and she saw her father’s picture on the screen. She couldn’t help but wonder if Arya had told him. That would be taking it too far, even for their family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Hey dad,” she said and couldn’t help but search his face for clues on if he knew. When he gave her his usual soft smile she was fairly certain that he didn’t. She smiled as she heard the music in the background knowing that it meant that her mother was probably baking. ”How are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Hi Kitten. I’m alright. Trying to get everything together for Monday. There’s a lot of safety measures and precautions that we need to have in place.” Her father looked a little tired and she didn’t like that he was working so hard but she knew that he wouldn’t be able to leave everything up to someone else. That wasn’t who he was. ”I just wanted to say that I appreciate that you agreed to be one of the first people to come in. I think it’s important that we set an example, as Starks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” The last thing Sansa’s mind was on appearances. It probably should be but it was hard thinking about going back to work. Her mind was too occupied with thinking about Sandor and his reaction. Even though it shouldn’t be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you okay, Kitten?” Her dad’s question made her dart her eyes down, fearing that he would be able to tell that she wasn’t if he looked into them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… It’s just hard being alone all the time.” It wasn’t a lie. It was hard being on her own, she was lonely. It just wasn’t the whole story but she didn’t want to tell her dad what had happened with Sandor. It was one thing sharing it with her sister, but her dad, who was also his boss? That would be wrong. She didn’t think her father was the kind of man who would treat Sandor unfairly because of his daughter’s hurt feelings, but she also knew he was the kind of father who wouldn’t stand for it either. It was a fine line he would be walking and she didn’t want to put him in that position.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can always come and stay with us if you want, I hope you know that.” Sansa nodded and her dad gave her one of his soft kind smiles. “At least going back to work we’ll be able to see each other. Do you want to have lunch on Monday?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sansa had just opened her mouth to agree when the song in the background changed into a very familiar soft piano and Sansa’s heart almost stopped. She felt her heart speed up as if to make up for the sudden break as a soft voice sang out along with the piano.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad, what song is this?” Her dad frowned before turning away from his screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love! Sansa wants to know what song this is?!” he called into the other room and Sansa had to bite back a whine when the song was suddenly cut off. She wanted to hear it, partially because the melody had become one that soothed her but also because she needed to hear the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Songbird by Fleetwood Mac!” She heard her mother call from the other room and Sansa’s felt her eyes well with tears. Sandor had said it was a song that reminded him of her, Songbird. It was her song.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sansa?” Her father’s voice was filled with concern and she forced herself to smile at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I gotta go, dad. I’ll see you Monday for lunch.” She waved goodbye before ending the call and as soon as it disconnected she opened her Spotify account and through her speakers her song filled her apartment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She burrowed beneath her blanket, holding Lady close seeking comfort in her soft fur as she listened to the lyrics of the song for the first time. Her tears fell freely down her cheeks and Lady whined as she noticed her owner's emotional reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why would he have said that this was the song that reminded him of her? Why would Sandor have picked this song if he didn’t want to meet her? It was such an emotionally filled song, with such tenderness and vulnerability. He couldn’t have just chosen it at random, could he? It wasn’t the type of song you just choose at random, at least not to her. So he must have been on the way of feeling something more for her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the song played on repeat she knew she should probably turn it off. All it did was make her feel sad and hurt, because the song made her think that of what they could have been before she overwhelmed him. She couldn’t help but think of the first time he had been vulnerable with her and she wanted to kick herself when she realised there might be more behind his reaction than she had first thought. He had been open about his issues, about how he suffered from social anxiety and she hadn’t taken that into consideration. She had been too caught in her own feelings, she had asked too much too soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I fucked it up.” Lady gave a huff of displeasure and Sansa could understand why. “I was too focused on trying to show him how much I cared, I didn’t take into consideration what he would feel about all of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps the sudden flash of guilt for have being a bit much in her celebration of his birthday was a stupid thing to feel. Perhaps she shouldn't feel guilty for trying to show him she cared, and she shouldn’t feel like she had ruined it when he was the one who had overreacted. But it didn’t change the fact that she did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt tempted to call him in hopes of talking things through but she felt pretty certain that would be the wrong things to do. She had to show him that she had understood why he reacted the way that he did. The only way she could think to do that was give him time and space.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t hear from him that day or the next and by the time she had gone to bed on Sunday she felt lonelier than she could remember ever feeling. She had been tempted to call him but she felt very strongly that it was up to him to reach out. It was up to him if he wanted to continue this relationship or whatever it was that had been growing between them. Because what if her reaching out put even more pressure on him? What if he didn’t answer her call? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her sleep was uneasy so ping on her phone woke her and she frowned as she saw it was one am. She expected it to be Arya, she was the only person she knew who didn’t take into account that people might be sleeping in the middle of the night. The sudden bright light of her screen made her narrow her eyes and once they adjusted they widened. Because there on the screen was a text message from Sandor. It was just three words but they made her heart pick up speed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” For a moment she hesitated, not knowing what to say to that. She didn’t know where to begin but she decided that perhaps he had the right idea of it. “I’m sorry too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had barely sent her reply before there was another message and she felt her eyes well with tears. He was asking if he could call her and despite it being one in the morning and she had to get up early to head into the office there was no hesitation in her response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a strange mix of relief and disappointment that when he called he didn’t do it through video call. She felt relieved that he wouldn’t be able to see her puffy eyes and probable mess of a hair but she was disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to see him. She figured he needed to start small and she wouldn’t be the one to push for more. She just wanted him to feel comfortable with talking to her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello?” His voice was raspy and deep in her ear and the warm feeling it pushed into her chest made her close her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.” Her own voice was rough with sleep and she cleared it before trying again. “Hi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I woke you, didn’t I?” She could hear the guilt in his voice and she wanted to push that away as soon as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. I’m glad you called.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? I was worried that you wouldn’t be. That you would tell me to fuck off, which would have been totally fair.” Sansa took a deep breath, trying to settle the worried beating of her heart but it only created an even more frantic flutter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would never… I’m sorry. I never meant to put you in this position.” There was a confused grunt on the other end of the line but Sansa pushed her words through in a rush before he could interrupt her. “I didn’t think about what you would think or feel and… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you, I didn’t mean to put pressure on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now hold on for a fucking second. Are you apologising to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The disbelief in his voice was so palpable that Sansa felt her cheeks flush with uncertainty. “You’ve got fuck all to apologise for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I do. I was too much on your birthday. I went over the top.” A frustrated huff of air cut her off and she imagined that he was dragging his hand over his face, like he tended to do when frustrated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t apologise for celebrating my birthday. You can’t fucking apologise for showing me that you care. You just… can’t. It’s not right…” He growled when she tried to protest and she bit her lip to keep the words inside. “Don’t ever fucking apologise for being kind. I am the problem, not you. Never you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not a problem Sandor,” she said in a whisper but either he didn’t hear her or he chose to ignore her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was the one who couldn’t handle it like a normal fucking person. It’s fucked up, I’m fucked up. I was the one who got overwhelmed with the affection and care you showed me. That’s on me, not on you. Do you understand?” The silence that followed his words were so heavy that Sansa had to close her eyes. She could hear the heaviness in his voice, the disgust he seemed to harbour towards himself and it made her eyes well with tears. “I’m the one who should apologise. I’m the one who’s sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I appreciate that Sandor,” she told him sincerely and took a deep breath, knowing that she needed to say her peace. “It doesn’t change the fact that I am sorry for trying to push you towards something you didn’t want. I won’t do it again and if you do decide that you want to meet one day then that’s great. If you don’t, that’s okay too. I’ll always be your friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt like a liar because she didn’t feel okay with the prospect of never meeting him. It hurt, knowing that she wanted something that he didn’t. The rejection stung but during these two days not having spoken to him made her realise that she would rather only be able to talk to him on video call then never talking to him at all. Perhaps she was being naive, thinking that she would be able to ignore her growing feelings and simply be his friend. The positive and hopeful part of her believed that with time she might be able to move on and only see him as a friend. Or maybe with time he would change his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sansa… I…” The hesitation in his voice told her what she needed to know. She wasn’t sure what she had expected. She should have known that Sandor wasn’t one to make empty promises of someday, he would never lie to her that way. For a long moment she just laid there, listening to him breath on the other end of the phone and as her eyes closed she imagined that he was there next to her, that his arms wrapped around her and was holding her close like he never wanted to let go. She hated her heart for putting such thoughts in her head and she bit her lip, trying to not reveal the tremor in her breath to Sandor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s late and I’m going into the office tomorrow.” It was a weak excuse but she knew that she needed to process what had just happened and she wouldn’t be able to do that with him in her ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. Eh… stay safe tomorrow and maybe call me?” he asked hesitantly and she hummed in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>It was strange being back at work after so many weeks away. The building was emptier then she had ever seen it, since they were all taking turns coming in. There was only a third of her department on her floor so she was able to keep her distance. It felt strange but also nice to be around people again and she was excited to see her dad. She had missed him terribly and knowing he was just a few floors above her made her feel relieved. It also made the ache in her chest a little easier, knowing that at least she would be able to see members of her family. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had been relieved when it turned out that Harry wasn’t in the office, not wanting to add the annoyance of having to deal with him to her already frazzled nerves and she had actually gotten a lot of work done. Her little cubicle felt smaller than she remembered and it felt weird sitting there again. But it was also familiar and focusing on work was what she needed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Sansa, you want something from the coffee shop across the street?” Her coworker Lucy called from across the room and Sansa darted her head up to smile at the other woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good thanks. I’ll be heading upstairs for lunch in a bit.” She decided that she might as well go upstairs a little early, best case she would catch a glimpse of her brother. Before she could she needed to finish one last task and having the incentive to do so made her focus on her screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her attention was stolen by a startled gasp and a mumbled curse from one of her coworkers and in concern Sansa stood up to check on them. When she stood the reason for the reaction caught her eyes and she opened her mouth in disbelief. There was no way she was seeing who she thought she was, was there?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha… Stranger?” The dog turned his head at the sound of his name and when his big brown eyes met hers he gave a happy bark in response and hurried over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without thinking Sansa sunk to her knees and the dog pushed his large head against her chest causing her to wrap her arms around him with a startled giggle or else she would fall over. She was so preoccupied by the happy huffs that she didn’t notice that Stranger was wearing his service dog vest until her hands ran over it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The logical part of her brain should have realized that it was very improbable that the dog was at her office without his owner but she was too shocked at actually seeing the dog that it took her that long to process that part. When she did her eyes darted up and standing just a few feet away from her was a man she had never met in person before and despite half his face being covered by a mask she knew those grey eyes. Perhaps her mind was playing tricks on her, she had barely gotten any sleep after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But there was no mistaking that voice, a voice that had talked to her about everything and nothing. A voice that had shared past hurts and had soothed her own. A voice that had comforted her when she needed it. A voice that had made her laugh too many times to count. A voice that had lulled her to sleep at times. A voice that made her insides feel like jelly. It was an amazing voice, because it belonged to the man standing in front of her. A voice she would know anywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi Sansa…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so before you guys have my head:</p>
<p>There is a part 2 in the works. ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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